Sunday, February 01, 2009

The Eagles Are As Boring As Their Fans Are Insane

The Eagles is a lame band. Each member is all right — perhaps even listenable — in their solo work, but when they come together as a band they command all the raw energy of a Thorazine drip. Largely considered to be the groundbreakers of the modern contemporary rock-hybrid style that has contaminated country music with unimaginative homogeny and puked it all over the airwaves, it's amazing that they can still find people who are willing to pay upwards of $200 a ticket to watch them perform live what you hear every four songs on the radio. These are those people, and this is their fervent insanity.

When is it morally objectionable to terminate an Eagles song?

Last night, I had a dream that I went to the future and humanity had done away with violence and replaced it with compulsive shopping, but then the bad guys followed me and started shooting everyone, and I had to grab a gun and start shooting up a mall, so I can totally relate to everything you said.

Glenn Frey: International Superspy

I think they mean you're all crazy.

When Don Henley gets angry, Don Henley will... uh...

And then you realize you're already late, so you say fuck it and keep on posting.

You're like that really, really old lady who lives alone and tries to lure the neighborhood children into her house with hard candies, and the last thing the children ever hear is a tinny "Hotel California" crackling from the speakers of an old record player.

You know that Don Henley doesn't give a FUCK about you, right?

When you resent that there's a type of bird called the eagles.

The Eagles, with special guest Brian May!

Gee, which one do you think is the extra wheel?

The post was going so well. Logical, sane, then bam! mental image of Joe Walsh's wrinkly old man-teat. Fuck you.

Let's look at it in terms of exposure, though. Super Bowl: 97.5 million viewers. Grand Ole Opry: 2.

Nothing gets by you, does it?

Something like that approached me once in an incredibly disturbing nightmare. It kept telling me to vote Republican, over and over again.


Anonymous Susan Mueni said...

Of course The Eagles are boring- all their songs suck. The only reason they're so big is because of the boost they got from Satan. They sold their souls to the devil in exchange for fame, success and money.Too bad they didn't ask him to give them a talent boost...

4:23 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home