Sunday, January 25, 2009

440 Hall & Oates Fans Can't Fill An Arena

I never intended to include Hall & Oates in this series of mediocre bands whose fans take way too seriously, mainly because I didn't give a shit about Hall & Oates and I figured no one else did either. However, when Hall & Oates were mocked on a friend's LiveJournal, 440 Hall & Oates fans came to their rescue, armed with highly personal attacks. One of them made the mistake of posting the link to their forum, and as all of you know after several years of doing this, if stupid people take stupid shit way too seriously on the Internet, I will be there to ridicule them because the Internet is a stupid place. If they complain too much, I'll do it again, because I'm a bad person and 440 Hall & Oates fans can't fill an arena.

Truthfully, I don't really know anything about Hall & Oates other than they ejoyed success for about a week in the Eighties and went on to become gay male stereotypes. Now, I realize that there are a lot of great bands that fade into obscurity following a brief period of success, but none of them ever created "Maneater." When the greatest thing you can say about your favorite band is that one half of it worked with Robert Fripp in the Seventies, it says far more about Robert Fripp being a badass than it does about your band not sucking.

I don't think "Daryl would hit it off with this guy!" sends the message you were intending.

Congratulations, you've brainwashed your daughter into liking crap.

You don't get strange reactions for liking Hall & Oates because you're young. You get strange reactions for liking Hall & Oates because your name is Troy.

With all due respect, a dog raping a cat can make music better than most of the artists on MTV now.

Oh god.

Straight from the Eighties, right into your anus, here comes the Hall & Oates collage!

Never before has an emoticon been more appropriate.

Oh no, you're not insane AT ALL.

If I started spelling it "Darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryl Hall" and "Jon Ots," how much closer to a homicidal break would it push you?

This sort of thing is exactly the reason Barack Obama is shutting down Guantanamo Bay.

Now I have to quit before I start feeling sorry for these people.


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