Sunday, November 30, 2008

What Do We Have To Be Thankful For?

To do something for Thanksgiving, I wanted to look at the most wholesome message board I could think of, and if one wants to go someplace diluted to the point of homogeny one has only to look not much further than the AOL forums. Today's Thanksgiving forum mock is going to be served in three heaping helpings to satisfy your appetite for stupidity.

PART 1) WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE THANKFUL FOR?

Of course you can't have a Thanksgiving discussion without the random Bible nuts jumping in.


You forgot the part about tolerance, loving thy neighbor, not condemning the sinners, and leading by example. I guess the Gospel of Christ is more about what he did, not what he taught.


Your sig pic has more irreverent concepts mashed together than a Vague Genre Movie. If I cared enough to try to figure out what it was trying to say, it would break my brain.


Oh God. AOL is releasing their idiots back out into the wild. They won't understand how to survive in the real Internet.


By your own logic, profanity, nudity, heavy metal, violence, and atheism must be the truest things in the world.


God is a staunch Republican.


I'm thankful for the mindless conformity of the AOL Message Boards, where my beliefs are never challenged.


PART 2) HOW WAS YOUR THANKSGIVING?

The only thing worse than their crème-filled turkey doughnut is their gravy coffee.


At 45, it's time to grow some damn wings.


I had never felt so alone.


Hi, I'm feeding the entire National Football League. Do you think one turkey will be enough, or should I cook two?


Never underestimate the importance of salt-flavored artificial cheese product!


I heard a stupid comment. "I put the stuffing in the backseat and drove off. By the time I got on the highway, I was thinking 'Gee, my car smells good.' Then I remembered the stuffing. I felt like pulling over and eating some." Everyone had a good laugh and no one secretly wanted to stab out my eyeballs with a fork.


PART 3) MISCELLANEOUS RELATED TOPICS

That's the stench of failure. You can buy it at their make-up counter.


I got up early to hunt some bargains and all I got was
trampled to death and shot.


Hahaha, inbreeding.


Way to go, AOL.

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