Sunday, November 09, 2008

Holders Series, #8 Through #10

So with all the excitement of Obama winning the election, coupled with my being drowsy all week for no particular reason and being out of town over the weekend, I totally neglected to find any good forums to ridicule this week. Instead, I'll continue one more week making up for my lack of Halloween themed posts in lieu of the elections which were far more interesting and important this year. It's been about half a year since the last time I posted any excerpts from the Holders series. There's no way I'll end up posting all 150 of them written so far, but they make interesting filler when I decide to be lazy for a week.

Holder of Wealth
In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of Wealth". The worker will raise one eyebrow. Ask a second time, and the worker will shrug and take you across the street, where an opulent mansion awaits. The mansion was not there before, but do not preoccupy yourself with the mansion's origin. Its owner would rather not scare you away.

Inside the front door, there is a grand staircase spiraling up across the foyer. The walls are covered with fine paintings, and a large marble statue rests on a pedestal by the base of the stairs. The statue's eldritch features evoke an image of a truly horrific beast, a creature at once both alien and evil. Admire it all you want, but don't touch it. Touching it will wake it, and it hasn't eaten in a while.

Ascend the staircase. As long as you touch nothing, you are in no danger. Don't panic. At the top of the stairs is a small, unassuming wooden door. It will open for you, if you are not afraid.

Standing there, behind a large desk of what appears to be mahogany, there stands a man with a pointed goatee and short, cropped, gelled hair. He wears a suit that at once appears to be made of human flesh and Italian silk. He may speak, and at great length. He will talk about his amazingly beautiful house, and the lovely statue of his concubine resting downstairs. Do not interrupt him, and do not answer any questions he may ask. When he is finished, steel yourself, and confidently ask, "May I have my salary?"

He will proceed to explain to you, in great detail, the value of life. He will talk of things worse than death, and he will tell you exactly what he expects you to do. The fabulous interior of the room will rot away, and the floor will turn from French weave to feces. His own appearance will become unimaginably cyclopean and ungodly. He will then fish out a small banknote from the inside of his human suit and hand it to you.

That banknote is Object 8 of 538. Its Holder is counting on you to spend it.

Holder of Wisdom
In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of Wisdom". The worker will chuckle and you will be guided to an empty room. The worker will hand you a key and tell you to wait some time in the room until you hear a bell ring. Then you have to lock the door. Wait until a second ring and unlock it.

It will open all by itself and reveal a long hallway, with all colors you may or may not know painted onto the walls, ceiling, and floor. Follow the hallway until you hear a little girl singing. Stop, close your eyes and stay where you are until the girl finishes the song, even if you think that it will drive you mad. If you do move, run. Run back to the door where you came from, as fast as you can. Jump through the window of the room where you waited before and you might live. Should you be unable to reach the window in time, a horrible creature will drag you back into the hallway where you will die a death that is as horrible as the creature that caught you.

If you do not move and the song ceases, you are free to turn around and leave forever, or walk deeper into the hallway, until you reach a door in the shape of a human. Open this door with the same key that was given to you earlier, walk inside and close it behind you. In the middle of the room you will see a desk with a bright candle. Behind the desk will sit a man, his face hidden by the shine of the candle. Walk closer, but always keep the flame between you and the man's face, for you will surely feel the urge to empty your stomach should you witness his visage.

Stop when you are five steps away from the desk. The man will raise his hand and gesture you to come closer, but do not step any further than this. Close your eyes and ask him one question, nothing else: "Who will bring them back together?" You will hear the man rising from his chair and he will begin to pray. It will be a language you will not understand at first, but after two minutes, you will hear a name. Should you hear "Anubis", then pray that your death will come quickly. If it is "Thor" you hear, you may open your eyes. The man's head will be on the desk, cut off of the body but still talking. After another three minutes, he will stop and begin to tell you how you will die. He will describe every tiny detail of your horrible death, and you will be unable to move. He will also describe who kills you and why he does it.

Finally, the man will stop talking. His head is Object 9 of 538. It is up to you what you do with the knowledge of your death, for it now is inevitable.

Holder of Forbidden Tongues
In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Holder of Forbidden Tongues". The worker should bow before you, then give you an urn. Now walk into an empty place inside the institute, preferably an unused supply closet. There, where nobody is watching you, open the urn and look into it.

Raise your head again. You should find yourself on a wooden stairway that leads downwards into a corridor. Go down the stairs, as there is no turning back now. After a while, you will hear something that sounds like a chorus, sung by monks, speaking an foreign language. Immediately cover your ears with your hands. If you hear too many words, a hideous creature will haunt you for the rest of your mortal existence. As soon as you reach a door, the chorus should stop. If it doesn't, quickly turn around and shout "TACITE!" — this is the Latin word for "silence". Now the chorus should stop at last; if it doesn't, pray to every god you have ever heard of for a quick death, and hope they listen, for if they don't, the singing will grow louder and louder until it drives your soul insane.

Step through the door. Inside a person is waiting for you; a masked monk in a red
cloak. He will greet you in Latin with "Salve!" Do not say anything and wait a few seconds until he puts on the light. There will be inscriptions on the walls, on the floor and on the furniture. The Monk will stand at the wall on the other end of the room and wait for your question. Don't try to read the words on the walls. If you do, you will, within seconds, go insane. Walk to him and ask him only one question. "In which language were they talking?" That and nothing else. He will then hand you an object, indistinguishable under a blood-red cloth, and disappear. Do not remove the cloth. If you do, you will release horrible demons that will torture you for an eternity. Instead, turn around and there should be two urns on the table. One will take you back to the place you call home. The other one will drag your soul into pitch darkness. It's up to you to pick the right one or not.

If you select the right one, set the object on the nearest table and go to bed. When you wake up, go back and remove the cloth.

The thin, yellow book you now see is Object 10 of 538. By reading it, you lose all hope you ever had of abandoning your quest, but now no Earthly language presents a barrier to you.

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