Sunday, October 26, 2008

Priceline Reviews From The Insane

Remember a time when we couldn't book hotel rooms weeks or months ahead of time online and instead we had to just arrive at our destinations and hope we could get an affordable hotel close to our event that still had vacancies? Of course not, no one remembers how difficult their lives were ten years ago before the Internet became popular. These days, you can make travel plans, purchase tickets, and book hotel rooms online through a number of money-saving consumer websites. One feature these websites offer is reviews of the various services written by everyday consumers who possess as firm an understanding of basic vocabulary as the jelly paste inside a toaster strudel, after being heated.

Since I recently had to use one of these online services to book a hotel when I traveled to Chicago to see Killing Joke a couple of weeks ago, I saved some of the reviews that looked like they were written by the heavily inebriated or completely insane. Just go to Priceline or Expedia, click on some of the cheapest hotels, and read the reviews to determine just why some of these people might be forced to choose the cheapest places to spend the night.

We not only expect hairs in the shower, we are somewhat disappointed when the cleaning crew neglects to leave any.

Don't tell me; let me guess. You're fat, right?

On the downside, everything was fine and I really wanted to be miserable.

The sooner you stop going to hotel rooms with Internet pornographers, the sooner you will stop feeling dirty.

So if the ceiling doesn't leak, does that mean it fails to live up to my expectations?

I think someone has it in for major business corporate travelers.

I don't know what a "flocculation" is, but it sounds like a lot of bodily fluids are exchanged during the process.

I know if there's one thing I look for in a hotel, it's the ability of the hotel to teach me new things.

Highly recommended for anyone staying in the area who wants to smell like an ogre's cheese fart.

Everything is close to the location, you twit.

I know I hate it when my slipping is interrupted by intrusive cleaning crews.

. . . What?

I like how he starts the review with "The front desk bad English."

np: Destrophy - "Rise Again"


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