Sunday, October 19, 2008

McCain's Performance Was Not That Impressive

I don't know what the public consensus is on who won the final Presidential debate this past Wednesday because if I honestly cared about the public's opinion on anything, I wouldn't have gone to see Killing Joke live in Chicago on Tuesday, which was awesome by the way, and "Madness" is currently my favorite Killing Joke song because it was so fun to watch them take turns pointing at each other and shouting "This is madneeeeeesssss!!!" Also, leading into "Money Is Not Our God," Jaz assured us not to worry about our bank accounts, our retirements, our pensions because we could all raise chickens. Little chickens, that aren't poisoned by genetic manipulation. So my chickens and I feel much better about the economy now.

Where was I? Ah yes. I got to thinking about the debate and I realized that despite what I'm sure most Conservative news sources are going to tell you, John McCain most certainly did not do well during the debate. He did better. He did better than he has in the past, but that doesn't mean he did well. He pulled a Palin. He has done so poorly in the last two debates that anything short of having a heart attack right on stage would be lauded as a great success. He made it seem like he exceeded our expectations by lowering our expectations. McCain took the focus off Barack Obama's consistently good performance by basically outperforming himself. My friends, we should have higher standards and expect more from our prospective Presidents than simply managing to not fail.

While discussing the topic of negative campaigning, whereas Barack Obama dismissed most of the negativity directed at him and tried to put the focus back on the topics that mattered to the people, John McCain mentioned a Congressman made some mean accusations about him and they hurt his feelings. Seriously. A 72-year-old adult, during a debate for President of the United States actually complained before 56 million viewers that someone hurt his feelings.

What.

The.

Fuck.

When did the Republican party get to be such a bunch of fucking whiners? The Liberals have been labeled as whiners for so long that it became a stereotype. Now while the Democrats want to talk about important issues, they can't because the Republicans all sound like children on the playground. "He started it! He's calling me names! He hurt my feelings!" They complain about "gotcha journalism" when the press points out something their Vice Presidential nominee says that's wrong. Here's an idea: Instead of getting mad when the media points out something stupid your Vice Presidential nominee has said, why not nominate a Vice President who's not a moron? The world is tough. Grow a spine. If your only hope of winning the election is to elicit a few sympathy votes from soft-hearted idiots, you've already lost the campaign.

How long will it be before McCain stumbles across this Blog and demands Barack Obama apologize for some of the heckling remarks I have made? This is a man who tells us Barack Obama has close associations with terrorists, but when someone tries to connect Sarah Palin to Joe Vogler, he calls it a "smear tactic." This is coming from the guy who has adopted the same campaign strategy that George W. Bush used to defeat him in 2000, up to and including adding Karl Rove as a campaign strategist. Same Bush politics, same Bush politician.

At one point, John McCain spoke of Barack Obama's slick tongue, citing that you need to pay close attention to his choice of words. Before that, however, McCain demanded that Obama address his relationship with Bill Ayers and the ACORN group. Given that Obama already has on numerous occasions, and the news media, driven by the burning need to break the most sensational story, has found zero evidence connecting either Ayers or ACORN to Obama in any significant way, it's obvious that no admission of a relationship outside of buttsex is going to satisfy John McCain.

If McCain wants to talk about tricky wording, asking Barack Obama to disprove his associations is a logical fallicy because no one can prove conclusively that something doesn't exist. No matter how much evidence is thrown at him, McCain will just continue asserting that Obama is lying. It's already quite evident that McCain refuses to believe anything less than an admission of complicity or he wouldn't keep bringing it up despite the mounting evidence to the contrary.

The other notable aspect of the debate was John McCain's unveiling of his latest soundbyte, Joe the Plumber. Barack Obama spoke for nearly six minutes with a man who was considering buying his boss' business unless a Democrat increases his taxes to the point that he's paying more than he's earning. Joe the Plumber listened defiantly to Barack Obama as he explained his actual tax plan and didn't even act too annoyed when the savage black man placed a hand on his shoulder, then he immediately radioed the GOP headquarters and reported this information to their maniacal overlord, John McCain.

Realizing that they could use this as a diversionary tactic to throw Obama off-balance by making him wonder what the fuck, the GOP insisted that John McCain capitalize on the concept of Joe the Plumber. Unclear on what a Joe the Plumber is or does, McCain naturally became restless and began demanding his bourbon, but GOP officials were able to calm him down by promising him a new bottle of bourbon if he would drop the phrase "Joe the Plumber" at least twenty times during the debate.

Unfortunately for the Republicans, they put as much time and effort into researching the
backstory on this particular soundbyte as they have with every other soundbyte throughout their campaign, up to and including "maverick" and "Sarah Palin." It turns out that Joe the Plumber isn't an "undecided voter," but that he had voted for McCain in the past three primaries. It turns out that Joe the Plumber isn't planning on buying his boss' business, but they mentioned it once in passing, and that the business is only worth about $100,000, not $280,000 as Joe told Obama. It turns out that Joe the Plumber isn't even a plumber at all as he doesn't have a license. Finally, it turns out that the patriotic, concerned citizen, the face of the average American that John McCain was trying to portray, is $1,200 behind on his own taxes. It's a good thing he's such a staunch McCain supporter, or he might actually have his taxes lowered enough that he could pay what he still owes, and who needs that? It's okay, though, because apparently paying your taxes is a "silly thing that has nothing to do with America." Seriously.

Joe the Plumber is just one more lie told by a man who has built his entire Presidential campaign on lies. Instead of debating real issues like Obama consistently pushes for McCain to do, McCain would rather try to
defame the character of Barack Obama, as if John McCain doesn't have an adviser who had directly supported Saddam Hussein. As if John McCain doesn't have a running mate who isn't tied with a fringe secession group whose founding member was recorded saying "The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government, and I won't be buried under that damn flag." As if John McCain hasn't explained his relationship with G. Gordon Liddy almost the exact same way that Obama described his relationship with William Ayers, only without denouncing Liddy's past actions.

This entire election has been about only one thing for John McCain, and if you think it's the good of the American people, I've got some bad news to tell you and some bad land to sell you. McCain came from a long line of men who reached some of the highest ranks in the Navy. He has some big shoes to fill, and he's not going to fill that by retiring a Senator. The Senate is for losers. He needs to reach the highest office. He needs to be President, and he's as well aware as I am that, at 72 years old, this will probably be his last chance. Unfortunately, his win-at-all-costs strategy has led to some very negative tactics that are alienating much of the Conservative voter base to the point that all that is left are the people who are adamantly determined to ignorantly vote Republican because McCain's not black. But is that shrinking demographic of inbred racists enough to win McCain an election?

There may be some people who can look at the independent evidence that McCain's economic plan would raise the national debt over $250 billion more than Obama's and still believe McCain would be the best thing for the country right now, but those people don't read. I see through McCain's ruse, even if no one else does.

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