Monday, September 01, 2008

Sarah Palin Pisses Me Off

Since the announcement of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin's Vice Presidential nomination, I've primarily heard only three major qualifications listed. Probably the most significant is her ethical conviction, which is apparently only appliccable to issues that she specifically feels are important, and does not include trying to end her brother-in-law's career during a divorce from her sister, which would technically be pretty stupid because if her brother-in-law doesn't have a job, he can't pay alimony to her sister. Is this the kind of foresight we really want in a future Vice President?

The story is that her brother-in-law was a corrupt state trooper, and her moral conviction was so strong that she didn't let family connections stand in her way of dong what's right. Though if you think about it, either she tolerated his corruption as long as he was married to her sister, or he was really not corrupt and she just tried to have him fired because of the divorce. There is a third option that the two situations coincided completetly unexpectedly , but you have to admit that the timing is suspect, and it's suspect enough to put her under a government ethics investigation. Since she's a Republican and a Vice Presidential nominee, the investigation will likely fizzle out and lead nowhere, as ethics investigations traditionally do for prominent Republican leaders.

The most prominent qualification that I've heard from the average Conservative voter is "Hurr, hurr, I'm voting for McCain because Sarah Palin is hot, huuuurrrrrrr!" If you want to see hot chicks, go look up porn on the Internet, where there are Photoshops of Sarah Palin's head on a nude body already circulating. If you want to see hot chicks, the absolute last place you should be looking is C-SPAN. Conservative voters across the nation have latched onto Sarah Palin because she's not only attractive, but she enjoys doing things that many blue-collar Conservative men enjoy doing, like hunting, fishing, hating gays, and eroding civil liberties. Listen, no matter how many times you vote for her, Sarah Palin will never fuck you. If you are so horny that you want to place the future of the country on a pretty face and a pair of tits, here's a novel concept: Fuck your wives for a change. Leave the voting to those of us who can use the uppermost head on our bodies.

The one qualification that irritates me the most is the recent affirmation of her pro-life convictions. As many of you know, she recently gave birth to her fifth in a series of children with ridiculous names, starting with Track, including Bristol, and ending with Trig. Seriously, what loving parent names their child Track? Literally the first sentence I heard about Sarah Palin following her nomination was this: "Her last baby was diagnosed with Down syndrome and she decided to have it anyway. The Democrats' pro-choice argument doesn't stand a chance after that."

At first, I thought she, herself, was guilty of parading the child as the ultimate confirmation of her pro-life stance, which is unconscionable to have a handicapped baby as nothing more than a political gesture, but the more I read about it, the more I don't think that's the case. Yes, she mentions the disability when confronted, along with mentioning her personal beliefs, but she does nothing short of thanking God for choosing to bless them with their child. Truthfully, whether or not she debated aborting the child we may never know, but her political beliefs backed her into a difficult corner. There would be no way to cover up a story that sensational, and once it broke her political career would most likely be over.

It's the Conservative voters who are turning the private matter of her child's disability into a fundamental pro-life argument. Because Sarah Palin chose to give birth to a mentally handicapped child, they argue that no other woman should be allowed to make a choice. They honestly believe that because she can do it, everyone can be expected to do it. The only problem is that when she and her husband make a combined income of over $200,000 annually and own at least three homes, I'm pretty sure she can afford a staff to tend to the child while she pursues her political aspirations, if she so chooses. Try leaving the average teen-aged stripper or single working mom to raise a mentally handicapped child with no support network and see how well that works out for everyone involved, particularly the child. You can't let one sample represent the entire population; it makes really bad statistics.

What I find more paradoxical are her stances on abortion versus capital punishment, which merely reflect the Republican party's positions on these issues in general. She, along with most other Conservatives, are pro-life but also believe in upholding the death penalty. You know, it's hypocritical to argue a pro-life position on the basis of all life being precious when you are conversely arguing sentencing criminals to death. Either all life is precious, or it isn't. When these Conservatives say "all life," it should also include that of criminals who are, at the time, still alive.

Some may argue that the criminals relinquished their right to life when they decided to take the life of another, but if saving the lives a few cute, little babies provides the moral balance of murdering criminals, then perhaps you need to readjust your value system. After all, weren't all criminals at one point cute, little babies, which logically would have been better off aborted in the first place if we're just going to have to do it later?

Finally, I'd like to mention that, where I would rather see neither another headstrong fundamentalist Conservative nor John McCain in the White House, I do wish the best of luck to Sarah Palin and her child. I just wish most Conservatives would shut the fuck up until they learn to stop being so stupid all the time. Until then, I'd rather vote for Michael Palin from Monty Python. I think he'd make a cool VeeP, if only he were American.

np: Balance of Power - "Chemical Imbalance"


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