Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Net Neutrality Was SO 2006

Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens has been indicted for failing to report hundreds of thousands of gifts and services from a lobbying oil company. I think I speak for everybody who uses the Internet when I say, "Ha-ha!" The justice could only be more poetic if it was actually discovered that he took bribes from telecommunications companies.

Having served the Alaskan Senate for a half a century, Senator Ted Stevens is most noted for his insane net neutrality rant about his inability to comprehend how technology works, possessing the face of a basset hound, and being possibly the only known man over the age of ninety who still prefers the name Ted.

In a prepared statement on his website today, Ted Stevens wrote in his defense, "I have served this nation and Alaska for over 50 years. My public service began when I served in World War II. My office faxed me an Internet by carrier pigeon last Tuesday, and it fell out of a bullfrog's mouth in 1893 because some kid in Russia was downloading videos of him having sex with his mother. I am writing inside a tube. It is cold and there are wolves. Are you my wife?"

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