Tuesday, July 01, 2008

An Impassioned Plea To Voters

Mountain Dew has three new flavors out, a raspberry mix called "Voltage," a berry mix called "Revolution," and a strawberry mix called "Supernova." Apparently you're supposed to log in to their website and vote for which flavor you want to enjoy past the limited trial period.

I've sampled each flavor. Voltage and Revolution both taste like either blue Kool-Aid or an Icee, and they're nearly totally identical to each other in color and flavor. The strawberry flavor, Supernova, on the other hand, tastes like flaming death in a bottle. It tastes like Centrum vitamins in liquid form. It tastes like a hundred putrid energy drinks. The one thing it does not taste like is anything good.

I know that, unlike myself who isn't invested enough to care, many people will log in to the website to vote for their favorite flavor. I implore to the tens, maybe hundreds of people who will undoubtedly fall for this insane marketing gimmick only one favor. Vote for a blue flavor. It doesn't matter which blue flavor because they're pretty much identical. Whatever you do, don't vote for the strawberry flavor.

I swear to God, if you vote for the strawberry flavor, I am going to revoke your voting privileges in November because if you can't vote for a soft drink that doesn't taste like rat poison, you shouldn't be determining the fate of the free world either.

1 Comments:

Blogger MrsMelvin said...

Wow, I'm almost tempted to buy a strawberry. It's one of those, "this smells like shit. Smell it!" kind of things, I guess.

2:12 AM  

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