Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Men's Bathrooms

I wrote this when I was in my teens. Despite the overall lack of repetition and cursing, I had George Carlin's voice in my head while writing this monologue. It's one of several of a short-lived series I was writing around the same time, several of which have already been reprinted here over the years. I'm posting it now in honor of its inspiration's untimely passing.

When I was growing up, my house had what is known as a man's bathroom.
This is a bathroom owned and operated by men.
They are generally kept in the basement.
Actually, it wasn't a room, per se.
It was just a toilet and a shower, protected by a shower curtain, missing three rings.
There was also a wash basin, for shaving.
Because, if you think about it, that's all men really need.
All a man needs to do to go anywhere is shit, shower, and shave.

The typical man's bathroom exemplifies the difference between the genders.
Women's bathrooms are generally white or pink, or maybe light blue.
Most of the time, they're clean.
These are where you send your visitors, because they're presentable.
A man's bathroom is black, and generally squishy to the feel.
This is because of mildew.
A man would rather invite little, black parasites to fester on their walls than actaully clean anything.

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