Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Future's Uncertain, But Certainly Slight

I have a new hypothesis, and to test this hypothesis, I think I'll start hitting on every reasonably attractive woman I can find without a decorative band on their left ring finger. The hypothesis is that reasonably attractive women don't fall in love with guys like me unless we meet them at a club and get them drunk and pregnant.

Today, I spotted the type of girl who was cute in the homely way. You know, the kind who is so naturally beautiful that she can look good without even trying with makeup or fancy hairstyles. I didn't get past a "Nice shirt" icebreaker without being returned an icy gaze which read, "Dude, I wouldn't fuck you with my worst enemy's dead grandmother's vagina." So I got the hint pretty fast; the hint being girls like that are totally not interested in guys like me.

So I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. I don't really make myself available to meeting new women. I have no interest in the only place left on earth where you're relatively guaranteed to find single women looking to date, night clubs. It's becoming quite apparent that the the vast majority single women on Internet dating sits that are anywhere near compatible with me live in Minnesota. My workplace doesn't provide a steady influx of new women anywhere near the distant memory of their childbearing years.

I'm staring down the barrel of my thirties not getting any younger, thinner, or more attractive. I feel as though I have no alternative but to get comfortable with the very likely possibility that I may spend the rest of my life alone. Most children dream of being a doctor or a teacher or an astronaut or a movie star or the President. My only dream when I was a child, the only one that mattered to me, was to have a family and be a good father. Now I look back on the wreckage of that dream, and I look ahead to its distant, fading light, and I realize that I may be doomed to spend the rest of my life with my one goal completely unfulfilled.

I see people all the time who abuse their loved ones and neglect their children in favor of their addictions and their shallow pride. These people are handed the only thing I've ever wanted out of life, and they're pissing away the one thing I may never have. I'm not sure if I should be angry or sad or jealous. I don't understand why good things come so easy to people who don't even care while life is so difficult for any of us who do.

I do realize there's a chance that I might look back at this post in shame five years from now. However, for right now, I have to make peace with the strong possibility that I may never know the happiness that so many people take for granted.


Blogger MrsMelvin said...

She's out there, dude.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Blozor said...

I've neglected responding to your comments because Blogger doesn't notify you if a comment's been responded to, but in case you're checking, I just want to say thank you for your kind words and support while I'm going through this depressive period. Hopefully I'll be inspired to actually write something funny again soon.

10:04 PM  
Blogger MrsMelvin said...

No problem. I've noticed that, too, lately.

7:56 PM  

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