Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Quote Roundup #22

It's April, post some fucking quotes!

"Arby's has gotten a bad rap lately and I just want to say, it's completely deserved. I ate there once and I died." — Hassan Mikal,
SomethingAwful's Weekend Web: DoTA All-Stars and d2jsp

"Sometimes you can see a couple so close together it gets hard to distinguish which one is which. And bits of them disappear into a space that forms between them. This we could identify as the secret world."
— Peter Gabriel, introducing the song "Secret World" on the Growing Up Live DVD

"Unfortunately Bill Clinton was fired from Hillary's campaign after he leapt off the stage and mauled an crowd member to death with his teeth." — me,
None Of The Election News That's Fit To Print

"From now on, I'm also going to be suspicious of anybody named Charles because they are obviously affiliated with any one or all of Charles Manson, the Viet Cong, or Scott Baio." — me,
None Of The Election News That's Fit To Print

"As someone who once claimed that he believes God speaks through him, I think George W. Bush would have rather supported Mike Huckabee, the only man who could claim to have been in bed with God while He spoke through Bush." — me,
None Of The Election News That's Fit To Print

"When hair is the most worrisome thing in your life it simply means you're not getting beaten enough. Get a job and you'll have more to worry about than that rat's nest on your head." — Hassan Mikal,
SomethingAwful's Weekend Web: Darknest and I Hate My Miserable Life

"I've been through way too much to care what people think about me... like 1st through 10th grade." — Hassan Mikal,
SomethingAwful's Weekend Web: Darknest and I Hate My Miserable Life

"No offense to Muslims or Koreans, but the axis of evil is a bunch of shit 3rd World countries. They cannot and will not destroy us. The threat of terrorism is an imaginary threat to make us feel like we can be invaded by even the most pathetic countries." — "opaque_glasses,"
Things that piss me off (In no order)

"Telling me blasphemy is bad also pisses me off. God is invincible as far as I know. Why would he care that much?" — "opaque_glasses,"
Things that piss me off (In no order)

"When you start by framing your argument around alternate reality scenarios where Barack Obama is a white woman you're not really on sound footing. If Obama was a Martian, and it was 1955, the arrival of his space capsule in the Nevada desert would plunge the world into atomic war. And if he was a Venusian dinosaur rider with huge tits wearing a leopard skin bikini and roaming the sun-baked savannahs of a re-imagined Europa he would not be here, as a black man, running for President" — Zack Parsons on Geraldine Ferraro's racist comments about Barack Obama,
SomethingAwful: Profiles In Scourging

"There are only 150 people in the entire world truly worth keeping alive. And guess what. This group includes neither you nor I nor anyone using the Internet right now."
— Anonymous on /r9k/ (possibly the new /b/)

"The shittiness of modern society can all be traced to the fact that the baby boomers were navel-gazing incompetents. They didn't have a freaking clue how to raise kids, and now their brain-dead kids are raising a generation of even more brain-dead kids." — Anonymous on /r9k/

"The truth is that not every state should be allowed to vote. Some are too dumb to vote. Some are too evil to vote. Some are Florida." — Joseph Fink,
SomethingAwful: Three States that Just Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote

"Clearly the real reason conservatives want democracy in Iraq is so that they won't have to fight it over here." — Joseph Fink,
SomethingAwful: Three States that Just Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote

"Complaining about your vote not counting in Florida is like moving to Alaska and complaining about snow." — Joseph Fink,
SomethingAwful: Three States that Just Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote

"Have you considered good old-fashioned, tear-filled masturbation? It's good for more than just making Republicans uncomfortable, you know." — me,
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN ROOF, Rusted!

"Yeah, and I just have problems with inbreeding because I never had a sister. Thanks, Doctor Internet!" — me,
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN ROOF, Rusted!

"I think we should start picking up girls like birds do it. I'm going to stand out in my front yard and sing 'HEEEERRRREEEE girlie, girlie, girlie!!' Then when one comes along I'll kick my feet and wiggle my butt a little until she becomes interested." — me,
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN ROOF, Rusted!

"Fuck girls. I give up on women. From now on, I'm only dating hands." — me,
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN ROOF, Rusted!

"Shrewdness can turn one penny into two, but wisdom can turn a horse into a boy." — Dr. David Thorpe,
SomethingAwful: The Lesser Wisdom of Benjamin Franklin

"It is always better to be diligent, for he who toils with honor dies content, while he who is lazy sleeps with the diligent man's wife." — Dr. David Thorpe,
SomethingAwful: The Lesser Wisdom of Benjamin Franklin

"I don't create something out of nothing. I create something out of the fact that most people are silly and they irritate me." — me,
here, in the comments

"I think a mild schizophrenic disorder would make a pretty fun date. Ed Harris would show up and we could go on a crazy adventure that only she could see and hear." — me,
Open Letters

"I think I'm going to just label myself a hypocrite because that way no one can say I didn't meet their expectations."
— me

"Everybody's shit stinks. That's why you shouldn't be full of it."
— me

"If God didn't want us guys to stick stuff up our ass then he shouldn't have made us disgusting creatures." — Hassan Mikal,
SomethingAwful's Weekend Web: MedHelp

"Women don't like anal sex, you homos. Don't let porn convince you otherwise." — Hassan Mikal,
SomethingAwful's Weekend Web: MedHelp

"You know the old saying: 'If at first you don't succeed, masturbate!'" — me,
Fox News Viewers Weigh In

"Let's see, China puts the date rape drug in children's toys, former soviet territories generate incestuous child porn by the boatload, and I'm sure there's a guy in New Zealand fucking a goat right this moment, so let's base our political future on what these people think." — me,
Fox News Viewers Weigh In

"There's a reason why we don't let kids vote or drink or work in salt mines. They're idiots!"
— Dr. Gregory House

"Ducks are awesome. They rape the dead." — me,
here

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