Saturday, April 05, 2008

Newsflash: Elections Are Stupid

Hillary Clinton Says "I Am Woman, Hear Me Complain About Being A Woman!"
Recently Hillary Clinton took a short break from doing everything feasibly possible to run her Presidential campaign straight into the ground and blaming it on the possibility that no one likes her because she's a woman to lie about being under fire in Bosnia. Once it came to light via archive footage of her meeting troops and hugging children while under fire in Bosnia that she was actually not under fire in Bosnia, she offered up the reasonable explanation that she was "mistaken" about being under fire in Bosnia.

I could think of many rationalizations for the discrepancies between her testimony and the video footage that completely discredits it. For instance, she could say, "Oh, I wasn't talking about that visit! It was a different visit, when we didn't have any cameras recording the event! Ha ha!" She could have stated that she was just offering possible hypothetical scenarios that would prove her diplomatic experience. She could lash out her tongue and slice Ralph Nader's face clean off and eat it. She could pretend to cry while she complains about being mistreated because she's a woman.

I've noticed a growing trend with Hillary Clinton insiting that she is being unfairly misrepresented by the media because she's a woman. Any time the news depicts her in a less than favorable light or more people opt to vote for Barack Obama than for her, she acts as if it's because she's a woman. I think she's hoping for some sympathetic citizens to give her a few pity votes, but it should be pissing off women everywhere. Every time Hillary feigns victimization because she's a woman, it makes the whole gender appear weaker. She's vying for the most powerful position in the world, yet she can't handle a few less than stellar performance reviews throughout the process without blaming them on her lack of a penis. If the country experiences another domestic terror attack, is she going to cry on national television that "They only attacked us because I'm a woman. They wouldn't have attacked if a man was President"?

Hillary, it's not because you're a woman that people are reluctant to vote for you, it's because you're a crazy, egotistical, lying, New England socialite who backs big business, keeps curious secrets, and can't remember whether or not she was shot at. No one trusted you when you were the First Lady, no one trusted you when you were a New York Senator, and no one trusts you now that you're running for President. Your reliance on Bill Clinton's reputation to carry you is steadily declining the more people find out that sharing a last name does not necessarily make you the same person. It's growing increasingly apparent that, unlike Bill Clinton, you're not in this to benefit the country or to benefit womankind, but you're in this solely to benefit yourself, and that's why people are asking you to bow out. You're turning the Democratic Party's once strong chance for the White House into a bickering, nitpicking pissing contest, and you're only doing it to stroke your own ego at the cost of your reputation.

Of course, that's just my opinion; I could be mistaken.

Reverend Wright Proves People Are Still Ignorant
A few weeks ago, opponents of Barack Obama sought to detract him by collecting and broadcasting archive footage of Obama's religious mentor making what has been widely regarded as disparaging remarks about America. Apparently, people didn't like it when they thought Obama was Muslim, and now they don't like knowing that he is Christian either. Apparently if you're a black man running for President in this country, no religion is good enough for you. Go celebrate Kwanzaa and drink some cow blood, right?

So for the past two or three weeks, the only thing I've been hearing about Barack Obama is that he's racist and unpatriotic due to remarks made by his former pastor. A lot of Americans tend to be lazy about every single thing except reinforcing their own ignorant opinions, and it seems to always be that the more patriotic they think they are, the less they know about what true patriotism actually is. True patriotism isn't unquestioning loyalty to a President. True patriotism isn't rousing ballads, fireworks, flag-waving, and your precious right to smoke. True patriotism is working toward a shared utopian vision of what the country could be, and eliminating anyone who seeks to prevent that. True patriotism is putting aside your own self-interests to protect the integrity of your country and your fellow citizens. We have had a long succession of politicians who have lost sight of what true patriotism is, and the first time in decades we find someone who has a positive vision and the determination to work toward it, we bitchslap him repeatedly with our blind prejudice.

As predictable as a carefully calculated plot, a vast number of Americans drew the predetermined conclusions from the snippets of Reverend Wright's various speeches without ever bothering to look up the full text or full video of the speeches to determine the context of the quotes, and it became known as the "God damn America" speech. When will people learn to always look up references for everything they read and hear before just believing what they're told? These are the same people who honestly believed that Barack Obama is a Muslim because they read it in an email forward. Many of these people still believe that despite the recent controversy over Obama's participation in a Christian church. However, if the same delivery medium that brings you insipid poems to email to ninety of your friends lest karma makes your dick shrivel off and then kills you can't be fully trusted, then certainly video footage on the news can't be disputed. Because no one can edit video, removing any footage that doesn't satisfy their goals. No one has ever, for instance, made
George W. Bush sing a U2 song. I'd like to see it, but it has just never happened.

Referencing Reverend Wright's comments isn't even difficult. The Muslim rumor might take a visit to Snopes to verify, and it seems that after roughly ten years, the overwhelming stupid majority of people still don't realize Snopes exists, but verifying Reverend Wright's comments takes no more investment than a quick Wikipedia search. Hell, type "Reverend Wright" into Google and the Wikipedia article is the first search result. It's just that simple, and you know something? In context, there might be some truth to some of his statements. Yeah, the theory that AIDS was created by the government as a form of ethnic cleansing is a somewhat farfetched myth, but he had points in his speech that do need to be addressed. "God damn America for killing innocent people"? Hell yes. "God damn America for treating her citizens as less than human"? I can get behind that. I don't mean that I literally want harm to befall the country, but if the country didn't want backlash, it should have kept its shit clean, right? He said that "America's chickens are coming home to roost." Well, how long did we honestly think we could imperialize the world and not expect any resistance? Everybody heard that, but not as many people paid attention when he continued:

"Violence begets violence. Hatred begets hatred. And terrorism begets terrorism. A white ambassador said that y'all, not a black militant. Not a reverend who preaches about racism. An ambassador whose eyes are wide open and who is trying to get us to wake up and move away from this dangerous precipice upon which we are now poised. The ambassador said the people that we have wounded don’t have the military capability we have. But they do have individuals who are willing to die and take thousands with them. And we need to come to grips with that."
Once people hear what they want to hear, they want to hear absolutely nothing that discredits their opinion.

However, unlike Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama didn't respond to this with accusations of victimization. Obama has been trying to downplay the race issue throughout the campaign, whereas Hillary seems to view her femininity as a burden. Obama used the opportunity to address the racial divide in what is widely regarded as one of the most important speeches in the Presidential campaign to date. Whether Barack Obama is a born leader or just a brilliant politician, one thing remains consistent — he has a vision of hope and strength for America, and he believes in the goodness and the willingness of the people to make it happen, and not too many other politicians exude that confidence.

Is Barack Obama an unpatriotic racist because his pastor might have been? Are you a veteran because your father went to war? Are you a homosexual because your kid turned out to be gay? Are you a criminal because your coworker robbed a bank? Guilt by association is not that accurate of a culpability gauge.

It's Just Not A Good Week To Be Barack Obama
Finally, did you see who is throwing in their support for Barack Obama? Jane Fonda. There goes his campaign. Jane Fonda is not someone I'd really want associated with my name in the political arena. First of all, I don't really understand how Jane Fonda someone thinks she's anywhere near relevant anymore. Secondly, she's almost as detrimental to American causes as Osama bin Laden.

I know I just said above that guilt by association should not apply, and in my mind the endorsement of a crackpot hippie actress weigh as inconsequentially as any other celebrity endorsement of a poliical candidate, but unfortunately, as the Reverend Wright controversy has proven, most people get confused when it comes to concepts such as the difference between being associated with another person and actually being that other person. That is why I cringed with an audible groan when I read that Jane Fonda is supporting Barack Obama. Not that I was worried that Barack Obama would suddenly align himself with Jane Fonda's irrational political views, but that the American public would think that he has.

Anybody can say they support anyone for any reason. I largely suspect Jane Fonda jumped on the Barack Obama bandwagon because she craves a tiny piece of media attention again and Barack Obama is the most eligible Democratic candidate. Still, I kind of wish she would have instead opted to aid Hillary Clinton's battle with womanhood, but the rats are bailing that ship before it's sunk. You know John McCain wouldn't see Jane Fonda's endorsement because she's notorious for not supporting Vietnam POWs.

Then "Mr. Indecisive," John Kerry, threw in his support for Obama as well. Great, the guy who was so unpopular with American voters that even their overwhelming disdain for George W. Bush was narrowly not enough to get him elected. Christ, this was not a good week to be Barack Obama.


np: Tarot - "Mama" (Genesis)

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