Sunday, April 06, 2008

Blaspheming American Idol

My original plan was to take comments from CNN's website to balance last week's FoxNews raid, but after clicking on several stories on CNN's website it became apparent that they didn't offer the ability to comment on most of their stories. So at a loss for a good forum to mock this week, I navigated over to the popular television information site,, hoping that they had a forum for me to mock. used to be called "TV Tome," but I guess they dropped the "Tome," probably because no one knew if it was supposed to be pronounced "TV Tome," or "TV To Me." This week, I chose the American Idol forum, mainly because it was the first show presenting itself on their rotating highlights window, and I have no real shame.

Just let her sing and have America vote after the show.

Brainy Smurf never killed anybody either, but that doesn't mean he wasn't annoying as fuck.

What do you think of "DAVID ARCHULETA,"
if that is his real name

Don't worry, I'm sure his father will beat him within an inch of his life if he fails to provide a vessel through which the man can realize his own dreams vicariously.

She's like the valedictorian of summer school, or a zero-dollar Lottery winner.

No kidding.

Sorry, dude, no one's ever going to sing the opening theme to MacGyver for you.

I'd pick the theme song to Duck Tales just to have Simon ask why I'm trying to piss on the entire competition.

Randy's judging criteria might consist of calling girls "dude," describing everything as "pitchy," and saying "dawg" a lot, but at least he's really good at attributing songs to the wrong bands.

I could explain Moment of Truth to my kids easily: Don't be disgusting sleazebags and lie about it to everyone you know. God forbid we have to explain the concept of right and wrong to our kids, though; I think it's been repeatedly proven best for them to figure things out on their own.

I think you should definitely run that by the guys at TMZ, except they all have the attention span of rodents on crack. It would be like: "Hey, have you heard about American Id—Is that a shiny object!?"

I think they just make up an arbitrary number of votes and pick whomever they want to win, just like our Presidential elections.

Something tells me it won't be Clay.


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