Sunday, March 16, 2008


I'm starting to accept the possibility that this girl may never contact me, and it's been a bit rough. I've actually gone through the five stages of grief over this. It's like mourning the loss of something I never had, or maybe mourning the loss of something I fear I'll never have.

The real problem is women I'd normally find attractive barely ping my radar anymore, because none of them affect me as profoundly as this girl did. Now that I've experienced a connection so powerful, what do I do? Will someone else come along who will affect me that way again, or possibly even more profoundly? Do I wait for something that might never come, or do I settle for something less than what I now know exists?

I've gone to our former meeting place two weeks in a row now, and it seems she is no longer going there. Maybe the new cashier scares her too much. Maybe she doesn't feel it's necessary because she doesn't think I'm going there anymore since I didn't stop in for a few weeks. I stopped coming in because I didn't want her to think I was obsessive, and now that I started coming in again, she isn't anymore. It's like no matter what I think is the right thing to do with this girl it's wrong, so I give up. I suppose I am going to just accept the loss and wait for another girl to give me the same feeling this one did, which might never happen.

To commemorate my loss, I decided to take out my jaded relationship cynicism on
a bunch other people going through all sorts of weird relationship problems resulting primarily from the fact that the majority of them are eighteen-year-olds freaking out that they're not having sex yet. No one on this forum seems to know how to date, how to interpret signals, or how to keep their partner's interest if they are lucky enough to snag one, but they all have wonderful advice to offer, and you know that advice works because most of them boast being proudly single.

That's right, if you don't try to stick your dick in her on the first date you're sitting at the kiddie table from then on.

I think it worked well when Ross and Rachael did it on Friends and that was the only thing we heard about for the next six seasons.

Be confident about your lack of confidence!

When you ask the Internet for advice about this sort of thing, ten to one the solution you get is inevitably always going to be "threesome."

There are also stories of Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, but sometimes all it proves is that certain people are insane.

I need assistance interpreting your post.

Have you considered good old-fashioned, tear-filled masturbation? It's good for more than just making Republicans uncomfortable, you know.

You'll regret that decision once you get past the "girls are icky" stage of preadolescence.

Yeah, and I just have problems with inbreeding because I never had a sister. Thanks, Doctor Internet!

I think the two of you should definitely share.

Is this a "yes" or "no" question?

I think we should start picking up girls like birds do it. I'm going to stand out in my front yard and sing "HEEEERRRREEEE girlie, girlie, girlie!!" Then when one comes along I'll kick my feet and wiggle my butt a little until she becomes interested.

Fuck girls. I give up on women. From now on, I'm only dating hands.


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