Monday, March 03, 2008

Quote Roundup #21

I'm sorry if I missed anyone's great quotes over the past month. I think there were a few from my LiveJournal circle of friends, but quite frankly, I was lazy over February trying to readjust my schedule, and basically, I hadn't collected any quotes from Febuary 11th on. I had to go back and collect as many as I could from memory, but LiveJournal loads slow on my computer for some reason so I didn't review it. Hopefully I'll keep on it better in March.

"Well you have fun trying to drink away your ugly." — something I thought, but didn't say, about a couple of female customers who bought a bunch of booze. I should have posted it a couple months ago, but I kept forgetting about it.

"I'm like a fly stuck in a thick tar of despair. Incompetence hangs in the air like the cold stench of death. I'm drowning, and monkeys dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anvils. My job has convinced me that life is a stale joke with no punch line. I long for the comfort of the grave." — Dilbert,

"I've been brushing my teeth with a dead bug. I'll take any win I can get at this point." — Scott Meyer,
Basic Instructions: How to Share a Horrifying Experience

"Let's get this straight here about Wheelie. When Galvatron attacks, what do most Transformers do? They run. They run away like little girls. What does Wheelie do when Galvatron attacks him in 'The Five Faces of Darkness'? He shoots Galvatron in the face. That, my friends, is harsh. Fuck with Wheelie, get shot in the face Dick Cheney style." — forum member "Counterpunch," as quoted
here, (I'm not going to look up the original post, sorry)

"If you ask a bunch of economists whether or not there is a recession coming they'll all have the same answer, 'Get the hell off my property.'" — Hassan Mikal,
SomethingAwful: Your Guide to the American Economic Recession

"Don't worry, politicians have cooked up an economic stimulus plan in order to get us out of this mess. They are giving Americans $600 for doing nothing and hoping we do what we do best, spend it on stupid shit." — Hassan Mikal,
SomethingAwful: Your Guide to the American Economic Recession

"Oh great. Why did I mention the Oakridge Boys? Now I have that 'Elvira' song stuck in my head. Not even the Doors' 'Hello I Love You' can overpower 'Oompapa, oompapa, oompapa, mauw-mauw.' Oh shit! Now the melody to 'Hello I Love You' is blending with 'Oompapa, oompapa, oompapa, mauw-mauw' to create the worst song ever!!"
— me, on the phone with my best friend

"I know the old saying that a watched pot will never call, but I don't really know if I want any pots calling me anyway. I mean, what would a pot and I even talk about? How black the kettle is?" — me, in a
friends-only LiveJournal post about a girl I like

"Watching the President try to stumble his way through a speech is the only great thing about having a world leader with the mentality of a seven-year-old." — me,
2008 State of the Union Address

"That's how power works. See, it's like this: It's awesome." — me,
2008 State of the Union Address

"I have an idea. Why not build nuclear power plants here in America and let Iran run on coal power? I mean, if nothing else, America's proven to be nothing but responsible with nuclear energy, and our abundance of black smog might seem unfair to other nations who aren't fortunate enough to possess a black smog of their own. How much black smog does one country need anyway? We already have the entire state of California. We should definitely share with Iran." — me,
2008 State of the Union Address

"Every Bush speech can be summed up as easily as shampoo instructions: Veto. Empower. Terror. Repeat." — me,

"Man I'd hate to have to read a Bay written script. It'd be like reading a 2nd grader's report on the New Year's Eve fireworks." — forum member "i_amtrunks,"

"It may be my own highly cynical nature that makes me wary of anything that incorporates an exclamation mark into its title, or it may be the fact that history has proven time and again that anything that incorporates an exclamation mark into its title is either Airplane! or utter shit." — "John Soloman",
Your Webcomic Is Bad: Zap!

"They insisted I drive because Jenn's been afraid of horses ever since she fed one a Pringle when she was 12 and it smiled at her." — Patti T.,
Confessions of a Claymate: Breaking Out

"Is there any wonder that the president of the ACLU looks totally batshit crazy?" — me,
Online Dating Guide, Part 14: Making Fun Of Stupid Pictures

"I haven't driven through a large percentage of the state because for the most part, Iowa is a state that consists of boring punctuated with sporadic instances of more boring." — me,
People In Iowa Can't Drive

"I swear to God the only reason people with type B personalities were put on this planet was to piss off the people with type A personalities." — me,
People In Iowa Can't Drive

"There's a whole lane dedicated for you to make a right turn from, it's called the right lane. The reason it's called the right lane is that it's correct. You know what they call the wrong lane? Left. YOU DON'T MAKE A RIGHT TURN FROM THE LEFT LANE BECAUSE IT IS WRONG!" — me,
People In Iowa Can't Drive

"I hate that after 7 seasons, Ryan STILL has to remind us not to vote until after the show. I bet the host of Canadian Idol doesn't still have to do that. But what do you expect from people who keep voting Bushes into office?" — Patti T.
You May Say I'm A Dreamer

"Apparently, the rich are obligated to donate their entire earnings to the poor so that the middle class can continue donating nothing but their arrogant indifference." — me,
Thoughts On Bono

"Wool is warm, but unpleasant. In the wrong conditions it can be almost painful to wear. Like all things painful there is, of course, a fetish for it on the Internet." — Zack Parsons,
SomethingAwful's Fashion SWAT: Wool Fetish SWAT

"Without the righteous, without the faithful, we would never accept the obscene."
— Ozzy Osbourne, "Civilize the Universe"

"People of Sarajevo, count your blessings. There are those all over the world who have food, heat, and security, but they're not on TV like you are."
— Bono in character as Mr. MacPhisto on the U2 ZooTV: Live In Sydney video

"Goodbye all you neo-Nazis. I hope they give you Auschwitz."
— Bono in character as Mr. MacPhisto on the U2 ZooTV: Live In Sydney video

"Okay I hate her now. She is dead to me. I wouldn't even give her the courtesy of raping her corpse."
— me, about some woman on TV that I thought was kind of attractive until she started talking


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