Sunday, January 06, 2008

What Do Voters Have To Say For Themselves?

If the Iowa caucus is any indication, the election in November will be an astronomically easy choice between Barack Obama, whose name could easily be confused with Black Osama, and Mike Huckabee, who probably got called Mike Hickabee or Mike Fuckabee a lot in junior high. Since the primaries are underway, I thought it might be fun to see what people are saying on political message boards for the Republicans and the Democrats.

After a temporary loss of Internet connection due primarily to the fact that the weather was nice outside, I found forums that were populated heavily enough by people stupid enough to find my average of ten posts to make fun of. Representing the Republicans is a
Rush Limbaugh fan forum, followed by the Democratic side, represented by the Democratic Underground.

I like how the poster reduced the average American citizen to a guy who puts away a six pack a night and his matrimonial punching bag.

I find it hard to believe that the industrial worker making $20 an hour plus benefits is really concerned about the plight of the minimum wage Denny's prep cook.

Actually, they all come from the Internet, where everyone is so insane that the insane look sane by comparison.

Conservatives think everything is al Qaeda. The shifty guy hanging around the local convenience store, that stray dog that shows up one day wandering around their neighborhood, bra ads that come in the mail. . .

Let's see. . . Reagan? Debt. Bush? Debt. Clinton? Balanced budget. Bush, Part 2? Worst debt in the history of the country. That's twenty years of Republican debt versus eight years of Democratic balanced budget. Maybe I'm not following you.

It comes from YTMND, which means it's going to be some stupid Flash animation that originated on SomethingAwful or CollegeHumor and takes up my entire screen. Pass.

Don't you know that anything that begins with the word "free" should end with either "cake" or "love"? What happened to you Liberals? Documentaries are for stodgy, old Republicans.

Hahaha, oh wow. That would be the ultimate. Like Red Foreman just smacking Eric right across the back of the head.

Whoa. Fucking hivemind.

It's nice to know Tyra Banks has her fingers on the pulse of every twelve-year-old in America. I remember that stupid "test" when I was in grade school. Note that, if you look closely, both of Mike Huckabee's ring fingers had been crudely sawed off at the first knuckle and later reattached.


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