Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Slow News Day

I found this on the front page of my local newspaper this morning:

Um, I don't exactly know how to say this, but, um. . .

I'm more interested in things like what they're going to do about the war in Iraq, the 800 trillion dollar national debt, the education crisis, the oil crisis, the environmental crisis, a bunch of other crises that I'm omitting for space and the fact that I can't remember them at the moment, and probably least on the list would be the threat of terrorism, down there with the threat of the gum disease gingivitus. Seriously, what kind of fucking retards care what the Presidential candidates eat, excluding the caterers to their public functions?

I went ahead and read the article anyway, mainly because I wanted to see how they could even make an article out of something so trivial, and I found a couple of interesting tidbits. One is that Rudy Giuliani doesn't like liver. I find this ironic, because he's the candidate who most reminds me of Hannibal Lecter. His entire face is practically the visual representation of that sound Hannibal made after the fava beans and Chianti line.

The other one was that Mike Huckabee replied "Carrots. I just don't like carrots. I banned them from the governor's mansion when I was governor of Arkansas because I could." What the fuck?! He doesn't like carrots, so no one who works at his mansion could eat carrots? FUCK YOU, you fucking carrot-eaters! You know who I don't want running the country? Someone who forces his personal biases on everyone else for no other reason than "because I can." FUCK you, Mike Huckabee. I hope when you die, they find your corpse with an oversized carrot wedged up your ass. Okay, that's a bit harsh. Also, that you don't get voted President. What kind of stupid name is Huckabee anyway?


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