Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Carol For The Retail Worker

I have another Christmas carol for you. It's one for the average retail worker who doesn't get enough appreciation for selling masses of self-righteous cretins their tobacco and beer. The end result isn't very Christmassy, but it uses the tune of "Away In A Manger," which is a Christmas song, so it counts. I just took the Christ out of it and replaced him with some intoxicated asshole. You know, to piss off the Christians. Happy War on Christmas™!

Go away, you're a stranger
No respite for you here
I won't sell you 'rillos
I won't sell you beer


It's three in the morning
Why don't you get a job
No one respects you
'Cause you act like a slob

Go away, you're a danger
An imminent threat
You can barely stay sober
Your life is a wreck


I don't care 'bout your problems
Stop talking to me
I won't sell you liquor
Without your ID


Go away, in a manger
You're wasting my time
Staring at nothing
While you make up your mind

Go away, I don't like you
I won't even pretend
And I hope that your life
Comes to a violent end

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