Monday, November 19, 2007

Three Hours, And This Is The Best I Could Come Up With

Sorry, but you don't get anything today. I'm just absolutely not inspired. It seems the slight melancholy I woke up with yesterday is maturing into a full depressive onset. I can feel the anxieties piling, and although I know it's something I'll eventually just get over, it's no less distracting at the moment.

Probably it has a lot to do with having one day off work last week and the prospect of having less than that off this week. I feel partly claustrophobic and partly monotonous, in that I feel like the only thing I'm living for right now is to get up, go to this shithole job, go home, and go to sleep again. It's not helping that it gets dark about three in the afternoon now thanks primarily to Benjamin Franklin, who nominated himself Grand Wizard of Time. Thank you, Ben; I wanted to wake up when it's dark out. I have a hard enough time getting out of bed when it's daylight.

My sleep schedule has been derailed to the point where I'm back to going to sleep in the afternoon and waking up in the evening, which I hate. Especially now that it's dark when I wake up so I a) don't feel like getting out of bed, and b) feel like I only have two hours before work even when I really have up to six. I can't create under pressure, and it's hard to be funny when I'm depressed.

I've also discovered that I just plumb ran out of ideas today. There's probably plenty I could write about. In fact, I know I had lots of posts lined up in my mind, but I apparently woke up with partial amnesia today. Like I remember my name and where I work, but I can't remember a damned creative endeavor I intended to do. I stared at the computer for about three hours and this is the bupkis I came up with.

I may actually go into semi-retirement, a la Dave Barry, and only update sporadically for a while, until this all blows over. I know I said that before, but this time it may actually be true. I feel like I'm being attacked from all sides right now, financially, mentally, reputably, and temporally, and it's making me feel boxed in. It's making me feel reclusive, like I want to just close up in my shell and pull out of the spotlight for a while. This could just last today, it could last a week, or it could last for the rest of the year. I don't know. I just know that, today, I have nothing. I have something planned for tomorrow, but it may never see fruition. The rest of the week is up in the air, but not looking promising. My heart's just not into it right now.

What a miserable way to start my thirtieth year on the planet. People suck, and they're not getting any better.


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