Sunday, October 28, 2007

Online Dating Guide, Part 13: Revisiting Plenty Of Fish

Out of pure unadulturated boredom, I decided to check out OKCupid's main competition, Plenty Of Fish, last week. Yikes, just yikes. What a bunch of fucking losers on that site, eh? Everyone on there is either a redneck or a ghetto kid or fucking sixty-two years old, and they almost all choose photos that only make them look like the hideous, distorted, primordial nether things straight from Lovecraft's imagination. Okay, not every single person, but the bad ones outnumber the good to such a ratio that finding one decent match is akin to finding the needle in a silo of really stupid hay. Suffice it to say, I had this post screengrabbed, captioned and finished within an hour, without even leaving my local area search.

Mr. Rigth? You might be a little too specific here. Have you tried the phone book yet?

Anyone who's seen Seinfeld is going to wonder why you yada-ed over the best part.

I guess that eliminates me because as soon as I read this my first thought was, "Okay, so what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Isn't that just a little gay?

It's fun to have fun, but you have to know how.

A good rule of thumb when looking for someone who "keeps it real" is to avoid using terms like "keep it real."

Sorry, you lost me at "pretentious."

And to think all this time the Republicans had it all wrong.

No, I'm not quite grasping it… Mena what? Mena Suvari?

I don't know what she's talking about, but she apparently wants a friend. A really, really stupid friend so they can syntax error syntax error syntax error

Raped, murdered, and raped again by Senator Larry Craig, then having the crime scene photographs accidentally posted in place of your memorial photo in the newspaper obituary. Come on, use your imagination; this is the Internet!

So far I've read nothing that states you're not looking for a disease. Apparently you are, so I'm afraid I can't give you what you want.

There're so many things wrong with this, not the least of which that she's on a dating site claiming she doesn't need a man.


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