Thursday, August 09, 2007

Quote Roundup #14, Comic Roundup #1(?)

Okay I've been lazy again this past month. Actually, extremely, pathetically drowsy, so I wasn't collecting quotes like I should have been. Originally, I had a grand total of four, but I was able to expand on it slightly. Eventually, I'll get around to transcribing more Henry Rollins quotes from Talk is Cheap, Volumes 3 and 4, but it won't be now.

"Have you ever wondered if you're really mentally handicapped and nobody has told you?" — Scott Meyer,
Basic Instructions: How To Be An Irritant

"Perhaps you've been trying the wrong gender. Think about this, most women don't like big bellies and body hair. Gay men have entire magazines devoted to those very things!" — Scott Meyer,
Basic Instructions: how To Get A Date

"When the iPhone was first announced, CEO Steve Jobs spewed enough BS to cover a football field full of babies 3 feet deep in bullshit, which sounds cool because he could have potentially murdered a football field full of babies, but he passed on this opportunity by introducing the phone instead." Maddox,
The iPhone Is A Piece Of Shit And So Is Your Face

"The President just said 'It's still running out.' Why did he say that? Because he can. 'Cause it's only a few words, and he can get them out, and then there's a period to stop."
— Henry Rollins, Talk Is Cheap Volume 3

"Life in Lubbock, TX has taught me two things: one is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell, the other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on Earth and you should save it for someone you love."
— Butch Hancock

"I get 'CPAP' and 'pap smear' confused; I don't even know what 'pap smear' is but I know I don't want it on my face." — Bernie H. creator of
Alien Loves Predator

"On my way to work this evening I read this bumper sticker on the back of some idiot's big ass truck 'The only thing faster than my truck is my zipper!!!' I can see this meaning one of two things: 1. He's basically a walking talking venereal disease . . . so I guess we're suppose to congratulate him? 2. He has some over active bladder problem so he has to work that zipper lightning fast every time he goes to the bathroom. . . in either case I don't think that genius should be bragging about either of those scenarios in public." — Something that "
Dandy Dustmite" said

"You were once shoved headfirst through someone's vagina. Why are you acting so dignified?" — Randall Munroe,
xkcd: Dignified

"I love you so much I want to shout it from the rooftops, but then you might hear me, and start closing your curtains at night." — Joey Comeau,
A Softer World

"I brought you back to life picturing chaos and excitement, not to be your brains delivery girl. Get off your ass if you're hungry, you lazy zombie fuck." — Joey Comeau,
A Softer World

"All of your e-mails this week were marked as highest priority, so I spent the entire week working on the first one. Next week I plan to continue not feeding the squirrels by the east entrance." — Wally,
Dilbert

"You just deflowered my 18-year-old sister!! How could you do that!? Executive privilege." — Rayne Summers,
Least I Could Do

"Those who cannot do, teach, and those who cannot teach, criticize, and those who cannot cook make blueberry crabcakes." — Satchel and Bucky,
Get Fuzzy

"If I wear a t-shirt with the word 'liar' printed on it, then I'm President of the United States." — Kranti,
Minimum Security.

"If the U.S. executed corrupt officials, there'd be no government." — Bunnista,
Minimum Security

"Actually I'm profiting from my own cruelty. Your humiliation is a by-product." — Scott Meyer,
Basic Instructions:How to Make it Up to a Friend You've Insulted in Your Comic

Since I don't have a lot of quotes this month, I'm filling the rest of this post with comic strips I've enjoyed over the course of the past month. If this proves popular, I may start setting up a separate monthly post dedicated just to comic strips. I've even cheated and added quotes from some of the strips I've reviewed that I felt would work as taglines.

Dilbert
Wally applies for a new job, apparently working for Will Farrell.

Everyone should try to make people
like them more than salt.

Alice sees her shrink.

Get Fuzzy
When
Bucky is actually nice to Satchel, it's so rare I almost want to cry.

Political humor.

Satchel quotes Einstein.

Bucky decides Satchel is possessed by Democrats, so they need a tax plan and a
Bible.

Least I Could Do
Rayne Summers is
in a truck.

Sore Thumbs
Vengeance on the
Harry Potter spoilers!

George W. Bush will start a nuclear holocaust if bloggers hurt his feelings.

Two Lumps
Cats
not quite on cocaine.

BALLS!!!!! (This one made me laugh harder than any in recent, actually.)

Wondermark
Try it on at
Wondermark.com

Read all night at
Wondermark.com

A Softer World
Lovecraftian.

Perry Bible Fellowship
Preserves.

VG Cats
Worms! (Funnier if you know what the game the strip was based on is like.)

Scott Ramsoomair
didn't like the Transformers movie either.

Leo faces a
critical decision. (This was the funniest one he's done in a while. The last panel fucking kills me.) (I have a tolerance for no-brow humor when it's done well.)

Looking For Group
(Note similarities to "Least I Could Do;" it's done by the same team.)
You're facing the wall.

xkcd
Wikipedian Protester

Tesla Coil

Insecticomics
Angelle Darque sums up
every dating website profile, ever.

np: Genesis - "The Brazilian"

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