Friday, July 27, 2007

Learn Simple Fucking Math

Nowhere has it become more apparent that Americans can no longer perform simple mathematical functions in their heads than when it comes to the simple task of calculating monetary transactions. I'm not asking people to manipulate the stock market here, compute advanced trigonometry problems, or solve geometric proofs. I'm talking about the really simple monetary mathematics, such as 1 + 1 = 2, or 100 - 43 = 57. Not that difficult, but it seems that so many people from all different walks of life consistently fail to comprehend these concepts of basic math, whether they be ghetto cruisers buying cigarillos to fill with marijuana or electronics engineers buying a cup of coffee before going to work for major manufacturing companies.

When the total comes to $6.78, don't give me $6.75 and tell me to keep the pennies.

When the total comes to $4.67, don't give me $5.07. I have to give the same nickle you just gave me back to you. If you gave me $5.02 I could give you 35 cents back.

When the total comes to $4.06, I hate it when they pull out a wad of change and I can plainly see a dime and a penny in their hand, but they just give me the dime. If you give me the 11 cents, I can give you a full nickle back instead of wasting my time and yours digging out four pennies.

I hate the people who should know they're only getting four pennies back but wait with their hand out anyway, then when I givem them the four pennies, they just dump them in the penny tray. Why waste your time and that of all the people behind you waiting on change that you don't even want?

Whenever someone wants to pay for, say, five dollars' worth of something with a bag of change, they are almost without fail off on their count. If they just plop the bag down in front of me and decide to amble out the door, it's guaranteed. I hate these motherfuckers. I make them come back and watch me count it out, because otherwise I have no proof that they miscounted once they leave.

How long has America had sales tax on items? It irritates me when people argue with the price after tax has been included. "I thought that was only fifty cents!" You have to include the sales tax!

The people who really irritate me are the ones who plop down a twenty dollar bill and say "Twenty. . ." then take all the change out of the change tray and continue, "Twenty-oh-eight on pump [whatever]." No! That's for everyone, not for your selfish, ghetto ass to get an extra drop of gas! I'm motherfucking strict with my penny usage. I've gotten to the point where I just keep them on top of the register so I can control the input and output of the share-a-penny. The customers who least deserve a bit of help are always the first to take the most, and it leaves nothing for the truly deserving. Fuck that. If you please me, you get even change. If you displease me, you get a handful of pennies. Have a nice day.

These motherfuckers also frustrate the living fire out of me, the ones who buy the same thing every single day and still are not used to the price. Like the people who buy the same pack of cigarettes for $4.06 every say and always pay with a five dollar bill. Every day, I take a penny from the penny tray to give them 95 cents back. Just once I would love for them to bring their own penny or even six cents so I could give them a full dollar back. These ignorant motherfuckers drain my penny reserves and my quarters like nothing else every single day because they're too dense to see the bigger fucking picture.

This one guy bought something that came to $15.92. He paid with a 20 dollar bill, and I gave him $4.08 in change. He then decides he wants a pack of cigarettes that costs $4.06. He gives me the four dollar bills, then puts the eight cents in his pocket and pulls out a quarter. AAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!!

A guy wanted $10 in gas. He gave me seven dollar bills, then a twenty dollar bill and said to take three out of the twenty and give him a ten dollar bill back because he wanted to get rid of his ones. He gave me $27 for $10 in gas and only wanted $10 back. Have you ever dealt with a situation so illogical that it made you question your own rationality? No, I was right, but he insisted he only wanted a ten dollar bill back. So I told him, "You realize I get to keep seven of your dollars, right?" Finally, he realized, "OOOOH!! I'm ripping myself off, aren't I?"

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