Sunday, June 10, 2007

Death By Stupidity

Last Tuesday, apparently at about Midnight because I didn't get it until Wednesday, LiveJournal user "helpimarock" created this insightful post about a couple of parents who malnurished their newborn child and blamed it on their vegan diet. I don't really need to expound upon this story because "helpimarock" did just fine in his post, but suffice it to say that, as you read the story, the vegan diet wasn't at fault nearly as much as the parents' stupidity. The more the story unravelled, the more their foolishness became apparent. They didn't know that accidentally contributing to their child's death through malnurishment could be considered manslaughter, and they thought they'd only get a few months in jail for killing their child speaks volumes about their naïveté and sense of self-righteousness.

Even the article cites that the child was malnurished despite the fact that a child can be raised properly on a vegan diet, and that the parents blamed poverty for their improper defense and inability to hire a nutritionist to assure the child had a proper vegan diet. Okay, maybe it wasn't that they were honestly trying to raise their child with the "healthiest diet they knew of"as they claim, but that they were poor, malnurished their child, and blamed it on the diet. The vegans who gave responses to the post even claimed that if the parents could so much as read proper English they could find tons of free resources to give them the proper guidance to raise their child right. So maybe the problem wasn't so much poverty, but a combination of stupidity and laziness.

Another example of their stupidity is that they named their child Crown Shakur. What the fuck? Who does this? Why would you name your child something retarded like Crown Shakur unless you want him to be physically assaulted all through high school. Parents: Stop being retards and name your kids normal things like John or Michael or Jason or Robert. Crowns go on your head, not on your children's birth certificates, okay?

Anyway, one of the replies on the original post, from the lovely and intelligent "
inflorescence," contained this comment:
"I am willing to bet my ass that those parents could have gone to any number of parenting groups and would have received support, information and services that would have meant their child lived. Sometimes it comes down to stupidity and irresponsibility, not a lack of funds."
To which I replied:
"I am willing to bet my ass that those parents could have gone to any number of parenting groups just on the Internet alone and would have received support, information and services that would have meant their child lived."

*Fixed. 8 )
Then our LJ Den Mother "lagizma" commented:
"They also could have found porn about veganism, because that's what the internet is for."
After several attempts to get it right, I postulated on what it might look like if they sook advice from the /b/ (Random) section of any of the Chans:
Just don't go to /b/ for help. To illustrate the point:

"Guys! I've fed my baby nothing but a speck of grain for the past six months and now he's not breathing right. I think he might be dying. Help me, /b/! What do I do?!"
"lol kill yourself fag"

"haha FAIL"

"DO A BARREL ROLL!!!"

"DESU DESU DESU DESU
DESU DESU DESU DESU
DESU DESU DESU DESU
DESU DESU DESU DESU
DESU DESU DESU DESU
DESU DESU DESU DESU"

"Guys! I've fed my baby nothing but a speck of grain for the past six months and now he's not breathing right. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in a town called Bel-Air."

[Picture of
Slowpoke] "Hey make sure you feed your baby so it doesn't die."
That gave me a wicked idea, though. I decided to actually post it on /b/ of 4chan and see what kinds of responses I would really get. Turns out I wasn't too far off. Unfortunately no one got around to posting Slowpoke before the thread died. I began with the introductory paragraph from the above reply and let it take off from there, and then I screencapped the thread of actual responses:


My favorite response was "get another speck of grain, it seems the baby likes it." This just helps to illustrate the point: Never seek advice from /b/.

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