Saturday, May 26, 2007

Wit And Wisdom

Some random conversational / observational quotes I've made over the past week. I wasn't able to record all of them and unfortunately I forgot some good ones before I had a chance to jot them down. Not all of these I've said out loud.

— My God, this isn't rocket science. In fact, if this were rocket science, that would have killed someone.

— You see, I'm a music fan, and American Idol represents every single thing that's wrong with the music industry, so I avoid it like the plague.

— I'm not looking forward to the day I have to cut out sugar. I just hope that if I do get diabetes, it's the kind where you need sugar to survive. "I NEED A SHEET CAKE RIGHT NOW OR I'M GOING TO DIE!!"

— How hard is it to put something back where you found it? My Christ, I wish I could get paid sixty thousand a year to not think.

To a woman who felt brushing her hair was more important than going when the light turned green, after she got in the turn lane in front of me:
— No! I don't want you in front of me! You don't fucking deserve to be in front of me!
A couple of minutes later, after I'd changed lanes and she changed lanes to be in front of me again:
— Why are you still in front of me? Didn't I ban you from in front of me?
— I've done more with my life in the last ten years than you ever will, unless you count spreading your legs for your next dimebag as an occupation, in which case I highly suspect you're already closer to accomplishing your life's goal than I am.

— The thing about common sense is that it's not that common, but if you call it "uncommon sense" it makes you sound elitist. How about: "I have uncanny sense"?

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