Thursday, May 10, 2007

Six Very Random Facts

This idea was ganked from LiveJournal user Silver_Mage over a month ago, but I added my own twist. Can you figure out just what that twist might be?

Post six very random facts about yourself. (You're supposed to tag six friends to do the same, but I don't tag; I just leave it up to you to decide to steal the meme.)

1) I have a compulsion. Whenever I see someone in a store pick up a CD or DVD of Larry the Cable Guy, my right leg will instinctively pull back as far as the human body will allow and then quickly and forcefully swing forward to drive my foot as hard and deep as it can into that person's anal cavity. I cannot control it or prevent it. It's my body's reflexive response to the stimulus. Has anyone else developed this problem? Why not?

2) I don't take kindly to being labeled something I'm not. One time, I was kicked out of a grocery store for beating up milk cartons because I thought they were insisting that I was gay. Turns out the stickers on the caps meant "homogenized" when they all had "HOMO" printed in big, red letters. It would've been nice if someone had told me.

3) I've only been caught stealing once. I took a sunrise. I explained to the judge that my intention was to sprinkle it in dew, then cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two. He didn't buy it. As punishment, I have to show up in people's mirrors when they say my occupation three times in the dark. It sucks, too. Sometimes it interrupts some pretty important stuff. It makes me mad enough to kill.

4) Everything I ever needed to know in life I've learned from the teachings of Bono. Turns out, not only is he not the prophetic sage of ageless wisdom, but he doesn't even have his own book in the Bible.

5) Had the very fabric of time and space opened to reveal before my eyes the lurid visions of ghastly truths man dare not know? Had I spoken in tongues beyond my understanding to learn the secrets of the universe, past and present, diligently chronicled by those horrific elder things sentenced to the nether realms epochs ago? Did their shocking revelations herald an encroaching black abyss of ominous and contorting shapes of visceral monstrosities no sane mortal mind should ever behold to conjure multimillennial curses upon the planet's age-racked surface? I do not know.

6) Most people have a Jack Russell Terrier. I got a Nipsey Russell Terrier. He finishes my other dogs' barks and lets them finish his. He also writes a lot of poetry late at night, but I can't reprint any of it here because it's all written in barks, yelps and growls, and some if it is pretty racey.

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