Thursday, May 03, 2007

Quote Roundup #11

Some more quotes. I haven't been keeping as track as diligently as I normally do, so I think I missed some this past month.

"They are described as Punk on their Myspace page but I don't think they would know punk even if Minor Threat punched them in the face." — SomethingAwful forum member "free sandwich" on the band facedowninshit

"I forgot the band that held my title for 'worst ever' until I read about I Hate Sally, the new Vinnie Paul project, HELLYEAH!!!. More like Hell Loving Terrible." — SomethingAwful forum member "Dillinger," here

"HELLYEAH! takes the cake. Then shits generic metal on it." — SomethingAwful forum member "Happy Hippo," here

"The band itself might be great, I have no idea, but I just can't stand the name Karnivool. Karnivooool. KARNIVOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" — SomethingAwful forum member "boof," here

"The truth of the matter is if you take a hammer to a fish, you're gonna get some oil." — Wayne Knight, Thank God You're Here!

"What makes me 'pro-abortion' is the fact that I honestly believe that stupid people should have mandatory abortions. It would mean far less frat boys and sorority girls, which in turn would lead to less pregnancy in college." — Kevin Garofalo, The (F)inal Word: Abortion

"My party leans wherever it wants to lean. Wherever the ladies at." — Rayne, Least I Could Do

"If there's one thing I know, it's everything." — Rayne, Least I Could Do

"You don't win when you get shot in the head." — Preston, Alien Loves Predator

"Well if he's a racist monkey, why can't I eat him?" — Bucky Katt, Get Fuzzy

"How can you not know what you're good at? Jesus — popping out welfare claims, butchering the English language, pick something!" — Me, Online Dating Guide, Part 10: Stupid Profiles Of Stupid People

"I always wondered why goats were so closely associated with the demonic. If they're so evil why do we stock our petting zoos with them?" — Zack Parsons, SomethingAwful: Cover Up Girls SWAT

"I also don't associate the gothic lifestyle with Spencer Gifts, but clearly some people do." — Dr. David Thorpe, SomethingAwful: Cover Up Girls SWAT

"I think the satanic animal should be Canada geese. Those things will chase you for blocks hissing at you like snakes and they are never friendly." — Zack Parsons, SomethingAwful: Cover Up Girls SWAT

"She looks like her mom was applying eyeliner on a bus and accidentally drank constantly throughout her pregnancy." — Zack Parsons, SomethingAwful: Cover Up Girls SWAT

"If something exists then there is a group of men willing to pay top dollar to stick their dick into it." — Zack Parsons, SomethingAwful: Cover Up Girls SWAT

"It takes serious effort to make a dude notice that your hair clashes with your nails." — Dr. David Thorpe, SomethingAwful: Cover Up Girls SWAT

"I never thought I would see the day where porn was easier to buy on ebay than a freaking toy." — Seibertron.com forum member "Homer Jay" in response to the Masterpiece Megatron figures being pulled from eBay due to his oversized replica handgun alternate mode, here

"You are an adorable thing-that-shouldn't-be! Yes you are! Yes you are!" — SomethingAwful forum member "Unlucky 7" remarking on a two-faced kitten, here

"Due to an remarkably complicated typo, the product 'Amazon.com - All of it, the whole company: Only 1 in stock' is put on the website with a listed price of three dollars. Members of the coupon site Fatwallet.com wait patiently, holding out hope for a promo code to knock 10% off the price." — Dennis Farrell, SomethingAwful: Internet Guide Presents Tonight's Programming Schedule

"New item up for auction: Every moment of your life that has been wasted by people showing you 'funny' auctions from eBay. April Maybury from Denver, Colorado wins the auction by using the 'Buy it now' option. In three days she will realize that she didn't read the description thoroughly, and that the auction was only for the box the item came in." — Dennis Farrell, SomethingAwful: Internet Guide Presents Tonight's Programming Schedule

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