Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother's Day Porn

Today being Mother's Day I'd considered raiding a forum full of really stupid mothers, but I couldn't find any. Not saying that there are no really stupid mothers out there. In fact, if the mother is under eighteen, you can almost guarantee it, but they're too busy getting drunk and having sex at parties while their parents raise their children to spend time seeking important advice in web forums. It's just that most of the forums dedicated to motherhood were locked and needed registration and I didn't feel like pretending to be a woman to register to them. Since AOL's Newsgroups, another grand bastion of utter stupidity, is still down, I decided to explore a website that I only visited once, last year: the Empornium porn torrent site.

Unfortunately, they seem to have gotten rid of their self-help section, which was the most jaw-dropping collection of stupid people who spend the bulk of their pastime watching pornography or attempting to have actual sex with actual other people. So I had to scour their general forum, which proved to have plenty of self-help topics anyway.

Despite not having anywhere near a proper Mother's Day forum, here's an appropriate Mother's Day post to start out:

I'm even more surprised that it's page three and not one person has yet to reply with "Your Mom."


"The only thing I've figured out from my first time is that life absolutely does not imitate art. I would seriously recommend against any of you having sex because it's really scary and a little gross."


I know plenty of women who would tell you your psych professor is full of shit. Seriously, who is he, George W. Bush?


There's some good advice, because God appreciates people who watch exploitive fornication.


Protip: You're doing it now.


"It was somethin.net" Thanks for narrowing it down for us.


I find it amusingly telling that he feels the need to blurt out "You don't have to be gay to like it!"


Something tells me your father was a bit of an idiot, and you picked up your grammar from him.


Don't worry. If it affects the bloodline, I don't think anyone will notice.


Someone hasn't been checking his spam folder regularly enough.


Luckily, these two were available to offer some top quality advice.


Yeah, because no thread filled with random pictures of naked porn actresses would kill the average man's desire to ever see a woman naked again, ever. Thanks.

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