Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Corporate Witchhunt

I think the time is encroaching for me to make a career move, even if it might merely be a unilateral move. I need to get to a company that's not run by a headless chicken coop of spastic retards who only employ personnel whose level of evil borders on megalomaniacal. Sometimes it's baffling why I stay with a company whose corporate policy is to treat its employees as poorly as the law will allow and even then sometimes finds shady, interprative loopholes to treat its employees even more poorly.

I've walked away from $45,000 a year; I can certainly walk away from $12,000 without even so much as looking back because nobody. owns. me. The only reason I haven't yet is because I really want my next move to be a move up. I took this job as an interim until I could get situated and figure out who is hiring in the area. The ultimate goal is to go back to doing something similar to what I was doing before. The place where I'm working currently pays the lowest amount of any of its competitors, so even a unilateral move in status would be a move up in income. What they fail to realize is that when a person is at rock bottom, there's only two ways to go: sideways and up, and they not only start their employees at rock bottom, but they keep them there.

They also run their corporation with two failed philosophies. One is that because they pay you, they think they own you. They think their little company has some sort of direct bearing on my life and my self-worth. Sorry, but they don't pay enough to even reach my self-worth. Given the fact that their demands are so out of proportion with their compensation, it's a wonder I've stuck it out as long as I have. If not for the fact that I find the actual job mindlessly easy and I like most of the people I work directly with, I would have left long ago because every decision made by the corporate office makes me want to stab a fork in my eye out of the sheer stupidity. These are people who got their business effectiveness training from a college textbook without any actual experience in real world application. I can tell, because their employee policy reeks of it. If it runs completely contrary to common sense, it came directly from a community college course in business management.

The other failed philosophy is that all employees are replacable. Anyone who has ever had any real experience as a supervisor or manager will tell you that this philosophy is laughable. The only people who honestly believe this are the people whose only transition in the chain of command went straight from a community college classroom to a desk in a corporate office, and they still consult their community college textbook when they need decision-making advice. Anyone who has ever been a frontline supervisor will tell you that only bad employees are replacable; good employees are hard to find. When you start your employees at base and keep them there, you are only going to get two kinds of new hires: the desperate or the worthless, so when you do happen to get one of the desperate ones who turns out to be an asset to the company, you fight to keep him, not piss him off at every opportunity with your own stupidity.

I just found out that someone at a different store got fired on the spot the other day. Representatives from the corporate office walked in, pointed, and said "You're fired." In front of everyone. It was like they were the Feds and they found evidence that he was making pipe bombs in his basement with packages addressed to the President. First of all, that's not the way to fire someone as it shows all the respect for their employees that I largely suspect they have. However, what's more perplexing is the reason they stated, after pulling him into a private conference — someone reported that he was heard using the word "nigger," (WHICH I AM ONLY STATING HERE AS A DECLARATION OF FACT, NOT AS A RACIAL SLUR).

This guy has been assistant manager (by choice) at that store for seven years with nothing but a clean track record, and they fired him solely on the word of a disgruntled customer without investigating the incident, checking the videotapes or anything. I understand the corporate policy is zero tolerance for sexual harassment and racism, but they really need to investigate these claims before they pass judgment on their employees. I already know this situation is full of two things, bull and shit, because I am fully versed in the mechanics of the corporate mindset in that company. They don't investigate incidents. It might prove that the customer might not always be right and, in fact, a liar, and it proves that their godlike judgment might just be a little fallible after all.

One day, I came into work and I got a questioned about teaching a toddler how to say "fuck." Apparently a customer complained that they were at this store, a guy and a girl were working, and they were discussing American Idol, and the guy was ranting that he "can't fucking believe they fucking voted that fucking [insert name] off the fucking show. Fuck that show, blah blah blah." Okay, let's consider the facts. First, I don't watch television. I don't even have my television hooked up right now. Even in the few instances I do watch television, I certainly don't watch American Idol, because it embodies everything I despise about the modern music industry. In fact, I could take offense at the very notion that I would willingly watch American Idol. I only know the names of four people who have ever been on American Idol, and those were all from past seasons; two were directly due to my ex-wife's obsession with Clay Aiken, and by default I know the name of Ruben Studdard. The other two are because they have become something of Internet jokes: Taylor Hicks and William Hung.

Second, I don't speak in anything but a professional language if there are customers in the store. As a matter of fact, it surprises my coworkers on the rare occasions I do curse when there are no customers in the store because they somehow think I don't have it in me to use naughty words. Okay, I've worked in an aircraft maintenance dock for seven years. I've also taught college courses for three years. I can curse like an engine mechanic who just smashed his hand, but I know when to turn it off, too. Third, my ex-wife's consideration made me very habitually self-conscious about watching my language in front of children. If there are children around I don't swear, period. I certainly wouldn't be cursing up one side and down the other a show I don't care about while there are two very young and impressionable children directly in front of me.

Of course, all of that is circumstantial evidence, although I could get plenty of character testimony to back it up, plus the fact that my coworker had already said that nothing like that took place. Finally, though, the district manager tipped her hand when she said the complaintant claimed that we were wearing red shirts. Okay, we wear dark blue shirts. Several other stores in the same block has its employees wear red shirts, though. I don't even own a red shirt, so it is a physical impossibility for me to have been wearing a shirt that I don't even own. I'd have to show up topless believing I had a red shirt on in order to wear a red shirt, and believe me, there is no way this side of God that I would ever go out in public topless. Even in spite of this evidence, the district manager still wanted our store manager to watch the tapes, which means she wanted me fired upon accusation and just wanted solid evidence to back it up. This other guy they didn't even wait to find solid evidence.

Now, bear in mind that the average customer is not "always right." In fact, the only thing the average customer always is, is stupid. The more stupid the customer is, the more disgruntled the customer is likely to be, and the more stupid the customer is, the more likely that customer will be to go to the trouble of making something up to get the employee fired. Apparently they have no idea how many people accuse us of being racist because we don't let them buy beer when they fail to present any form of picture identification after having driven to the store. We've had white customers call white employees racist. What the ever-loving fuck? These are the kinds of fucktards the corporate office takes at their word despite all logic to the contrary.

In light of this information, I can't help but find myself imagining what I might do if I were convicted without trial of making a racial slur based solely on the testimony of a customer who used his race as a weapon because I wouldn't sell him alcohol on the basis that he is a moron. Most likely, I would sue the company for wrongful termination, just to make a point. There are free legal services who just love to tackle issues just like this solely to take a stand against corporate injustice. I wouldn't sue them to get my job back, though, because I would tell them that I my principles won't allow me to work for a company that is so petty as to violate my human rights. I would sue them to have my employment record show that I was wrongfully terminated due to a corporate error and for compensation of lost wages, plus any legal fees. Maybe they could find a way to work in some compensation for defamation of character or slander or something as well.

Point is that I wouldn't simply accept the termination without exposing them for the corrupt businesspeople that the majority of them are. Anyone who knows me knows that if there's anything I am not, it's a racist. I hate racism, I hate reverse racism, and I hate anything that people do to perpetuate racism by using their race as a tool or a weapon. I have many character witnesses and three years' worth of blogging to back me up. What do they have, besides a distinct lack of evidence? What I do hate is stupidity, and stupid people come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and races, but so do really truly good and intelligent people. Yeah, I would sue them, if for nothing else than my own amusement, just so I could laugh at them as their case goes down in flames.


np: Jeff Scott Soto - "Funk Sandwich"

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