Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Quote Roundup #10

I had a busy day today so I didn't have time to formulate a good post. Here are some quotes I've picked up over the last month:

"Do you know who else ended up as a zombie? Jesus Christ." — Harmony,
Sore Thumbs

"Black armor is sexy, sure, but cursed armor that drives you insane? That's sexy AND evil!" — Ted,
Sunday At Ten

"A little burning and rape really helps shine the light of Christ." — Zack Parsons,
SomethingAwful: Evolution of the Average Man

"Bengay on the scrotum is equitable with lava. If I ever had to interrogate someone, I would be headed to the pharmacy." — Herv,
SomethingAwful Forums

"We've been through a lot together. Now go away." — Cosgrove,
Freakazoid: Two Against Freak

"And I just ran out of cookies. Crap. I hate when that happens. Whenever it does, it means I have no more cookies." — me,
Addendums

"I'm feeding a piñata his parents." — A friend of Scott Ramsoomair,
VG Cats blog

"I guess it's hard to dazzle you after you've seen a melted cat tangled up in medical waste in a sewage canal off the Jersey Shore." — Zack Parsons,
The Great American Reach Around: The Midwest & France

"If Northern Indiana can figure out a way to come up with a firework that looks like a stock car and shoots up into the sky and explodes into an aborted fetus with a dime next to its hand then maybe those people will start self-identifying as Indiana residents." — Zack Parsons,
The Great American Reach Around: The Midwest & France

"Radiation may not kill off trees and deer, but if a river is literally on fire and bubbling with acid then there is not a whole lot of recovering the fish can do." — Zack Parsons,
The Great American Reach Around: The Midwest & France

"I want to thank you all for joining me for this engrossing and fascinating conversation on the topic of anal sex. I would like to end our talk with some closing remarks. Ahem. The ass is where poop comes from. Thank you for coming." — Rayne Summers,
Least I Could Do

"You would smell like piss too if your best friend just married the love of your life!" — Parker Webber,
Marry Me (Slightly modified, stupid conversational quotes.)

"A wizard's magic does not work inside of Home Depot." — Josh Boruff,
SomethingAwful: The Factoids of Life

"A dog cannot occupy the same space another dog has previously occupied. When this event occurs a dog will lose all motor functions and effectively turn into a statue." — Josh Boruff,
SomethingAwful: The Factoids of Life

"The best name for a child is 'Clumpy.' The second best name is 'Coupons, Rebates, Freebies, & Great Deals.'" — Josh Boruff,
SomethingAwful: The Factoids of Life

"If you say 'atheism' five times in a dark room Richard Dawkins will appear and ask to be fed." — Josh Boruff,
SomethingAwful: The Factoids of Life

"It's not what it looks like... I've... ah... I'm a doctor and she... ah... saw a ghost. Yes, in there. Paula, wait—" — Zack Parsons,
SomethingAwful: Breaking Up With Christopher Lambert

"I think I am turning into a cowboy. Yes, one bit me on the leg at the pool yesterday. Yes, they can bite." — Zack Parsons,
SomethingAwful: Breaking Up With Christopher Lambert

"I saw a huge spider the other day and it reminded me that I hate your fuckin' guts." — Zack Parsons,
SomethingAwful: Breaking Up With Christopher Lambert

"You and I are just too different. You love George Bush and I want to throw up every time I hear your voice." — Zack Parsons,
SomethingAwful: Breaking Up With Christopher Lambert

"Remember, most of the Continental United States was unexplored or barely inhabited until the late 18th and 19th centuries. Some states, like Montana and Wyoming, may not even exist to this day!" — Zack Parsons,
SomethingAwful: The Great American Reach Around - The Northeast & The UK

"Every new day brings new hope, or at least something new to make fun of."
— This is something I've been saying for a while now.

"I don't take no lip from food." — A cat, to a bird,
here

"When you are a door to door salesman, you also need to have live demonstrations. That's rock bottom. A drunken sixty year old man showing a housewife and her children how to effectively, pleasurably and safely use anal beads featuring the smiling face of Erik Estrada." — Steve Kiley,
The Phat Phree: Rock Bottom

"we are desensitized to 'the boobs.' They're everywhere. Women do next to nothing to cover them up. Their attire is akin to concealing a watermelon with a tablespoon." — Bassam Tarazi
The Phat Phree: The Worst Unspoken Rules of Life

"Granted, the male form is quite hideous. We have hair in places that convinces you there is no God, pasty legs, and an altogether unsightly set of reproductive wonder that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination." — Bassam Tarazi
The Phat Phree: The Worst Unspoken Rules of Life

"Keeping the Jennifer Love Hewitt article in a state of grammatical perfection while the estimated World War 2 death toll reads a total of 'jared davis is a faget.stole my girlfriend' for nigh on a week is a job only a certain class of human being is capable of doing." — Johnny Titanium,
SomethingAwful: Wikipedia Userbox Roadshow

"There are, at this moment, 4,923 profiles on Myspace with the display name of 'Unique.' Haha, not such a special snowflake now are we!?" Shannon, Observation

"My grammar is bad because I ate sand as a baby." — Rayce, co-creator of
Dume, here

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