Friday, April 06, 2007

More Stupid Criminals

Here's another excerpt from the local stupid criminals file, Don White. This common street thug, and three of his common street thug friends, decided that it would be a great idea to gun down a girl celebrating her recent high school graduation in the middle of her grandparent's back yard. And they say rap music doesn't teach our kids anything.

Of course, out of all the homicides that occur in any city from day to day, the local press exploded this story all over the front pages for months. First announcing her death and glorifying her to a Princess Diana or Virgin Mary status, then announcing the arrest of her killers, then following every piece of minutae of the trials of the perpetrators for roughly four months until the last of the four boys received their convictions yesterday. I'm sure it won't be over. As long as they can appeal or be resentenced or just say something stupid, which they are prone to do, or if the paper just decides to run an article on the fifth anniversary of Vincelina Howard's death about life without her gracing the planet, we will continue to be bombarded with news that, honestly, only a handful of people should really care about.

Quite frankly, I gave this story about as much attention as I felt it deserved. I didn't know her. I didn't know them. It didn't even happen in my state. I don't even know why they killed her, but I'm sure once her killers pen a ghetto pidgin rap song about it, we'll find out. So unlike so many who live their lives vicariously through the misfortune of others, I didn't care. It didn't affect my life, except that I had to hear people talking about every minute detail of every story as if it were their own children going to jail. All through this, one defendant in particular stood out as stupid to the point of Fulknerian idiot man-child: Don White.

While his cohorts were frightened at the prospect of spending the rest of their natural lives in prison for first-degree murder, Don White seemed almost proud to be going to prison. He would constantly glance around the courtroom with a giant grin on his face like he was entertaining a perpetual erection smothered with a hooker while a rave was going on inside his head. To some people, losing their virginity makes them a man. Others have to kill someone and go to jail for life to elevate to that status, I suppose.

His overall smugness aside, the main reason Don White is a complete dumbass is that he didn't even really have to go to prison, but he took drastic steps to ensure his conviction. He was only going to be considered an accomplice because his "friends" testified his involvement, but the only thing the police could hold to him was his handprint on the van used in the murder. He could have been spared two life sentences, but he did something so utterly stupid that it seems completely surreal, like something you would see in a crime drama directed by Salvador Dali. He used the prison phone to harass and intimidate witnesses and jurors. Nothing attests to your innocence like threatening the people who are deciding your fate. Doing so on a telephone that you know is tapped is just a flagrant disregard for common sense. Quite frankly, I'm glad this kid is going to prison for the next 60 to 120 years. If he's that fucking stupid, he's a danger to himself and others. If he wasn't getting thrown in prison, he'd probably end up setting himself on fire or something before he's thirty anyway.

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