Sunday, April 15, 2007

It's High Time For Some More Clichés

Would you believe it's been nearly a year since the last time I posted about clichés? Here's to another year!

"The family that 'plays' together stays together."
No, the family that plays together is separated by Child Protective Services.

(as in "latebreaking news")
This is the newest term in the news media to describe any story they consider extremely urgent. The problem is that it's gotten way overused. Anymore, anything from a traffic accident three days ago to a story about a dog that licks its own asshole gets slapped with the "latebreaking" label to make it sound more important than it actually is. The only thing the term "latebreaking" does for me is make me think that the news team must be really behind the power curve on all their stories.

"With all due respect..."
People will say this in a transparent attempt to be tactful and diplomatic directly before saying something reprehensibly disrespectful. For instance, "With all due respect, that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard because you are a douchebag." So whenever anyone addresses a concern with the phrase "with all due respect," it means they respect a dick full of fire ants more than you.

"That might just be too successful."
Yeah, I'm sure there are bunches of people every day bemoaning their millions of dollars, just wishing upon wish that their idea wasn't so goddamned successful.

"Shit-eating grin."
Theoretically this indicates guilty pride, but what kind of moron would really be proud of eating a heaping helping of shit? Not anyone I would invite into my inner council, that's for sure.

"Life is life."
Stupid is as stupid is, huh?

"You gotta do what you gotta do."
Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Captain Redundant. If I didn't have to do it, I fucking wouldn't do it.

I've made a comment out this one
before, but I've since had another revelation on it:
"You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar."
Yeah, but you know what attracts the most flies? Bullshit.

These last three are all modern slang clichés that annoy me:
"I haven't seen you in a minute."
This is a new piece of slang that is working its way through the modern vernacular. The idea is to call a very long period of time a "minute." But a minute is not a very long period of time. Our memories should not lapse after a minute. What are we, goldfish?

"Kick it."
Sometimes people will say something like, "Look me up if you want to kick it." The only thing I kick is ass, so look me up if you're ever in need of a boot to be surgically removed from your colon.

This just bothers the murderous rampage out of me like nothing else. I think it was coined from cheesy B-grade action movies with a really poor concept of the Hispanic accent. Whenever a Latino wanted to sound threatening, he would address his victim as "mang" instead of "man." I can't be certain whether the real life usage or the cinematic usage came first, but I'm certain it was the cinematic usage that brought it in the mainstream to the point that black, white, Jewish, and Asian people started using it without regard to the fact that they don't have, nor have they ever had, a Hispanic accent. Look, you dipshit little wanna-be hoodlums: I don't find it threatening, and it just makes it sound like you don't know how to spell a three-letter word or pronounce a one-syllable word. Knock if the fuck off.


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