Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Making Fun Of Town Names 4

It's been a while since I made fun of any town names, so I'm going to delve into my stockpile because I haven't had time to come up with anything else over the course of the past week. Hopefully tomorrow, I'll be able to jot down some of my ideas and get ahead a little bit again. I'm tired of writer's block causing me anxiety over updating.

No Name, CO
Yeah, that's creative. Didn't Dewey Bunnell buy a horse there once?

Sleepy Eye, MN
Where everybody looks at you and the guy across the street at the same time.

Defiance, OH
FUCK you, Indiana. Why Indiana? Because we're fucking defiant, that's why!

Florissant, MI
"Let's name our town after those longy lights. What's them called? Fluorescent? How do you spell that? Okay, 'fluorescent': F-L-O-R-I..."

Young America, MN
"We are, we are, the youth of the nation! We are, we are, the youth of the nation!"

Stratford-upon-avon, UK
Who would name a town this? Seriously, just no.

Peculiar, MO
Well that's odd.

Diamond Bar, CA
FUCK gold!

Summer, WA
It's short and still rather cold and dreary. Not even worth mentioning, really.

Sublette, KS
Please do not sublet your Kansas.

Jamaica Plain, MA
Yeah, somehow I think this attempt to downplay Jamaica will end in failure.

Missouri City, TX
Ahem. Test 1? Test 2? Ahem, ahem. Ok. Ready? YOU'RE IN THE WRONG STATE!!! Thank you.

Doylestown, PA
"I hereby claim this land in the name of Doyle. Okay, now this is my motherfucking town! If you don't like it, get out!"

Long Pond, PA
I saw a long pond once. Only it was called a river.

Bethlehem, GA
In this version of the Nativity, God is Mary's cousin.

Fair Play, SC
Formerly: Turnabout, SC.

Mission, KS
Mission: Kansas

Weed, CA
Like that really needs to be emphasized.

Kissimmee, FL
Have you ever read a really bad porn story where the writer tries to express intense pleasure by adding a bunch of extra letters to every word, even if it wouldn't make any sense if actually spoken aloud? Like, "OOOOOOHHHHHH GGGGGOOOOOODDDDDD IIIIIIIMMMMMM CCCCCCUUUUUMMMMMIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!!!!!" Apparently the people in this city find kissing highly arousing.


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