Friday, February 23, 2007

Quote Roundup #9

Okay, I'm at a loss for words today. I have a bunch of little ideas floating around in my head, but nothing I can really pull together into a relevant topic. So you just get a quote list today.

"Gold: it’s AuSome!™ (Please note that gold is designated by 'Au' on the periodic table.)" — Bob Mackey,
GOLD!

"90% of debt in America is absolved through forced prostitution (Source: BangBus.com)." — Bob Mackey,
GOLD!

"The gold in all North American rappers’ mouths is worth more than the combined GDP of 50 African countries. Let’s write letters to let them know this." — Bob Mackey,
GOLD!

"I’ve tried some kinky stuff, but I don’t see the appeal in nipple clamps when a simple slap in the face says all it needs to." — Bob Mackey,
GOLD!

"It's amazing — these people get stupider and stupider at a rate so fast that they threaten to warp space and time. Think of them as a flux capacitor of fuckwit idiocy." — helpimarock,
George Lucas Invented The Word Prequel

"Killed four in a staring contest gone wrong." — Zack Parsons,
The Last

"There's only six billion human beings left on the planet — we could go extinct at any moment." — me,
Murderers

"I just wrote in ten minutes what would have taken hundreds of man hours for your ad people to create. Imagine... envision what I could do with millions of dollars at my disposal. The prospects are scary, and not just because I'd fill a U-Haul with matches and fertilizer and drive into your front lobby." — Evan Wade,
Pregame Wrapup: Four Reasons Why The Super Bowl Sucks And I Hate It

"Watching supporters of Bush and Blair is like watching a beaten Wife defending the actions of her abusive husband." — Random commenter on Yahoo!Answers

"My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal." — Wally,
Dilbert

"A commentator on CNN said a few hours after her death that 'This is certainly an unexpected and very tragic turn of events for Anna Nicole Smith.' Unfortunately, that was both true and also not in any sense accurate." — Gawker columnist (name?),
And Now She's Dead

"If you can trick something into having sex with a tree it probably isn't all that scary." — Evan Wade,
Why I Love Michael Myers: An Essay

"I am perfectly happy knowing nothing about nature's cruelest shape, the triangle. I rarely encounter them in real life, and when I do, I am never required to find 'proof' that they exist." — Bob Mackey,
The Awful Guide to Graduate School

"You know the bagger at your grocery store with the philosophy degree? He would make you question the meaning of life by using the business end of a claw hammer if he wasn't hung over every morning." — Bob Mackey,
The Awful Guide to Graduate School

"Once you get used to years of deep thought and discussion, the promise of a day's intellectual stimulation being a discussion of American Idol is as terrifying as it is ordinary. And the fact that we liberal arts majors are pale, thin, hungry and easily spooked means that a Morlock would have less trouble making friends in a business casual work place. And the very sight of a football can scatter us for miles." — Bob Mackey,
The Awful Guide to Graduate School

"Mistrust everything, and you're bound to get something right." — me

"Boy am I hungry! I'm so hungry, I bet I could eat." — Satchel,
Get Fuzzy

"I am an American, and as an American, I feel it is my sworn duty to bastardize anything ever created by any other culture." — me,
I Am A Cultural Retard

"Why is it even a question of what we're going to do now that Al-Qaeda is apparently 'back'? We bomb the hell out of some country that has nothing to do with it, of course." — Amy & her dad, (combined into one single quote for the purposes of the subheadline),
here

"It seems that since about the time I was in high school, males have been proudly referring to themselves as assholes, as though it were a desirable trait. Similarly, I have seen an increase in women proudly referring to themselves as bitches, including things such as t-shirts that say 'BITCH' on the front, or bumper stickers, etc. Do you think this trend will continue? Do you think that the next generation will wear shirts that say things like 'Can't read!' or 'Failed 3rd Grade!' and proudly tell people that they ejaculate prematurely?" — PonchtheJedi,
SomethingAwful Forums post

"We have elected a President who comes from one of the most morally bankrupt families in the history of America and who can't string together a sentence like he has brain one in his fucking head, and after he utterly failed as a leader beyond the shadow of a doubt, our dumb asses elected him for a second term. Sometimes, it's enough to make one wonder if we even deserve to have a future." — me,
Idiocratic Rule

"When you introduce your children as Chrysler LeBaron, Prell, and Turbotax, it only makes you look seven shades of retarded." — me,
Idiocratic Rule

"Don't name your child Christen, unless you want me to break it against the bow of a ship someday." — me,
Idiocratic Rule

"You already know the news! Every day the President says something stupid and a bunch of people die." — Nikko,
Minimum Security

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