Friday, February 02, 2007

More Incredibly Stupid Questions

Apparently, there's no wrong way to ask to use the restroom. Smart, civilized people just go to the restroom without feeling the need to announce the status of their bodily evacuation sequence, however most of the people I come into contact with on a nightly basis are not smart, civilized people. This is a problem that transcends all races, genders, religions, and socio-economic backgrounds. It doesn't matter if the person in question is a wealthy business-owner, a blue-collar factory worker, or a make-believe gangbanger hopped up on amphetamines and paint fumes, nine out of ten they'll treat complete strangers like utter shit.

Anyway, when it comes to asking if they can use the restroom, apparently there's an abundance of ways. "Is your bathroom open?" "Can I use your restroom?" "Sorry, I gotta pee!" Clueless: "Where's your restroom?" Me: "In the back, down that hallway, to your left." Clueless: "Outside?" One guy came up and asked if the restroom was "back there," looking behind the counter. To give you a visual idea of why this was a stupid question, here's what's behind the counter: Me, a five-foot shelving unit, the store windows, outside, all of which is plainly visible. I also get a lot of people who have taken to calling it a "baffoom." This comes from adults of any economic status. I blame pop music.

I got one last night, however, that just takes the cake: "Does your bathroom work?"

Twitch.

No. It's on welfare. It keeps popping out toilets.

How do you even answer that? What the fuck kind of question is that? Who just walks into a store expecting the restroom to not work?

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