Tuesday, May 03, 2005

FAQ #3: Why Do I Say "Fuck" A Lot?

You know why I like to say “fuck” a lot? To see who gets offended when I say “fuck.” Basically, it’s that way with any socially-defined “naughty” words. There are certain words that it seems are purely socially unacceptable, and leading the charge is “fuck.” Actually, the modern overuse of the word “fuck,” boosted largely by the onset of the Internet, is starting to lessen its effectiveness as a gauge of social conventions. In other words, “fuck” is losing its shock value. However, another word, “cunt” is taking its place as a very socially unacceptable word. Not only that, but you might get a queer eye if you call a cat a “pussy,” or even print the word “pussy” when describing a viscous, green, bacterial discharge.

So I like to throw words like “fuck,” “cunt,” “pussy,” “fuckwit,” “fuckhead,” “fuctard,” “etc.” into my blog, as well as the more conventional and less shocking “bad” words like “damn,” “shit,” “hell,” and “chrissakes,” just to see how many people get shocked and appalled at my blatant disregard for decency. I think, with the company of impressionable, young children excluded, openly using inappropriate language is a good way to gauge what kind of person or people you’re dealing with.

If you use bad words or tolerate their use, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you have enough common sense to know that they’re just words. They’re just various combinations of consonants and vowels arranged to form a particular sound and carry a particular meaning, just like any other word. The word “pussy” automatically makes people think of a vagina, but how is that any worse than, say, “small intestine,” “insect larvae,” or “rotten tomatoes” when describing unappealing things? To say that the word “pussy” or “cunt” is unattractive because it’s describing a vagina is to say that vaginas themselves are unattractive. Plus, why is using the word “dick” or “peter” to describe a penis wrong, but naming your child “Dick” or “Peter” perfectly acceptable? Probably because some people are too uptight.

These uptight people are the people for whom I feel the most sympathy. Most people can hear some inappropriate language and move on with their day unscathed. However, there are some people in society whose fragile, little world goes crashing into turmoil because they happen to overhear the dreaded “f-word” somewhere in their vicinity. Because God forbid they hear a word that describes a pleasurable expression of one’s love for another used for recreation and reproduction.

These are the same, simple-minded bovine people who were sent into psychoses because they happened to catch a one-second, distant glimpse of Janet Jackson’s partially-obscured nipple during the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show. Get over yourselves! To the women who were appalled at that incident: Next time you take a shower or bath, look down. To the men who were offended at the incident: a) You have them, too. b) Someday, if you don’t die a virgin, you might get to see a boobie up close. Please don’t let it ruin your wedding night. To the parents who were worried about your children being affected by the incident: Someday, they will see boobies, too, probably when they raid your secret stash of porno mags. If not, then definitely when they get married, if you don’t completely finish the job of poisoning their minds against the opposite sex and then ostracize them when they end up gay.


Anyway, I think that, in society’s battle for survival of the fittest, (which is still, deep down, the underlying, driving principle that governs society), we need to curse more. Go ahead and say “fuck” when you’re talking to someone. Those who don’t care will have a better chance of surviving in an otherwise brutal and uncaring world than those who get shocked and offended. Those who become shocked and outraged at the mention of a dirty word are, quite frankly, the type who travel through life oblivious to the harsh realities they face everyday, protected by those of us more apt to survive in the vile society outside of their own safe bubble. Those would be the first to die if the shit ever hit the fan and every person had to fend for themselves because they don’t show any signs of an ability to adapt to a world where harsh reality contradicts their own make-believe, innocent reality.

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